Dandelion Smiles

#2 Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake (or bars)

2010-12-27T15:02:00.010-05:00

It's chocolate chip cookie cake time! Sean asked for a cookie cake for his birthday this year. I have tried this recipe before and wasn't crazy about it, but I thought it might be a good time to adapt recipe #2. I fully expected this one to flop. I baked it December 21st for a surprise party we held for Sean that evening, and I hoped I wouldn't need to run out just before guests arrived to purchase something different! I remembered certain things I hadn't liked about the recipe the first time around, and tried to edit a bit to improve. It worked! And best of all, this time I actually recorded those changes. :) (Yay, me!)

This is the chocolate peanut butter fudge I ate while working on the cookie
Delicious. Hey, a girl's gotta' keep up her strength, you know??

The changes I tried were simple... mostly I just added more eggs and flour to my already totally awesome recipe. Then I divided it into two small brownie sized pans, and baked for 25 minutes. Why two small pans and not one large pan? I'd like to say I had the foresight to realize a larger pan might not bake evenly. In truth, however, I don't have access to a full sized oven right now. I bake everything in my little microwave/ convection oven. And it comfortably holds these quarter sheet pans, one on each rack.

Here's the birthday boy, and the finished product... it's a success! (I plunked the hat on him AS he blew the candle out. He did not appreciate that.)

I imagine Sean might be less than thrilled to have his picture here... but how else will you see the end result??

The cakes were cooled and frosted with a little design on them. The next morning I cut the leftover cake into squares and put it into one of my many Santa cookie jars. I am sad to say that these cookie jars were empty ALL SEASON this Christmas... uncharacteristic, to say the least! It was mostly because an altercation I had with the flu landed me in bed for a week in the beginning of the month! By Christmas however, all cookie jars were full. One was full of terribly crunchy, overbaked molasses crinkles, but we ate some anyway, and that just means we try that recipe again next week!! (note to self: remember to record that molasses crinkles are DONE well before they APPEAR done!)

It's a little creepy that Santa is pictured here without a head, and with a belly full of cookie bars. But, try not to think about it. Go bake some cookies instead.

All's well that end's well, right? And recipe #2 is ready.

#1... Cake Truffles!!!

2010-12-19T23:19:00.003-05:00

Well, I definitely have these perfected! I'm not saying they couldn't be improved. And I'm sure I will be able to come up with lots of fun variations over the years, but for today I am pretty darn content. And anytime my children rave about a 'cookie' the way they have raved about this specific batch, I consider the test a success!

These little things are pretty popular right now; super simple, ridiculously rich, and delightfully decadent. The filling, when properly mixed, will come out smooth, creamy, and rich. It's seriously difficult to believe what comprises its magnificent middle!

So, here's what you do: bake a cake. Any cake. Try chocolate, just for kicks. Yum. Cool said cake a bit. Now, dump it into a large bowl. The larger the better... you want lots of stirring room. Empty a full container of frosting (may I suggest chocolate??). This is just the regular can/ tub/ plastic container of frosting you get next to the cake mixes at the grocery store. Grab your wooden spoon and stir, stir, stir. It doesn't take too long, but you will JUST be thinking 'this will never work... I need more frosting!' when suddenly the whole concoction will undergo a truly magnificent change. Practically a chemical reaction! Practically. Now, take this super smooth creamy dark goo, and roll it into balls. I have marvelous restaurant-type plastic disposable gloves, but dive right in there with your hands if you don't. These should be about...let's see... ping pong ball size, maybe? Or slightly smaller. (you should see me trying to work this out with my hands right now) A bit smaller than a golf ball. Or golf ball size. Roll them nicely, put them in the refrigerator for a few minutes.

So far so good... really this all went quickly. Now... melt a bag of milk chocolate chips, a little blob of Crisco (maybe a teaspoon or two), and some peanut butter. To taste. I used about a quarter cup. Probably. (See why it will take me a year to get measurements down?? I guess that part of this recipe was a failure.) Melt in a deep narrow bowl (a big glass measuring cup thing works great) in the microwave for a minute or two, stir well. When you take it out to stir it and the chips are melting as you stir it up, it's ready. It's OVER ready if you melt it all the way in the oven. You want to stir it up. Now, using a fork, drop a cake ball in, flip it over, to coat, and lift it out. With the fork. Wipe the bottom of the fork across the side of the bowl to remove excess chocolate, and drop on waxed paper lined sheets. Do a little swirly-cue on top if you need a bit of pretty. Chill a few minutes until hardened. Now, get a BIG glass of milk, and sit down in front of your favorite holiday movie (or with a special book) and enjoy your truffle. So so so good. So rich... I ate three the other day, throughout the day, and nearly died. Three is TOO many. You will get 40-50 from a recipe. Store these in the fridge... I LOVE them cold and crispy right out of the refrigerator!!!

Another thing I tried... yellow cake mix, to which I added peanut butter (again with the amounts. I should have paid better attention... a cup or less) and baked. Cool, mix with white frosting (add more peanut butter here if you like, just a little). Dip in melted milk chocolate chips (no peanut butter here. That's just overkill) YUM!!

Try adding peppermint extract to the chocolate balls, no peanut butter (ugh) and after you dip them in melted semisweet chips, sprinkle some crushed candy canes on top. Mmmm. Festive.

You will love the ease of these AND the spectacular results. Your family will beg for them. A note from last year... I tried a yellow cake with chholate frosting and semisweet chips for dipping... I didn't love this combination. Waste your time in other ways instead.

Recipe One... check!

I need to take photos next time.

No, my cookbook recipes will not read like this. Gosh, I HOPE not. What if they do??? I will need major editing!!!

Lisa Hannigan - I Don't Know

2010-12-19T02:23:00.000-05:00

Such a happy, sweet video!

Seventeen Days of SnailMail 365 completed!

2010-12-19T01:39:00.006-05:00

So... since December 2nd I am happy to report that I have sent AT LEAST one piece of happy dandelion snail mail each and every day, Saturdays and Sundays, too! Most days I sent out several. I have sent packages to two friends with cancer. I am hoping to send two to three a week for both of them for the duration of their chemotherapy, at least. Something fun to take their minds off their problems for a few minutes!! (Mail can be so fun when it isn't bad news!) I have sent several swaps and tags for Swap-bot. I have sent five prizes for the facebook page I run for my husband's restaurant (I'm counting those, but they all went out on the same day, along with two REAL pieces of mail. :) I even sent out an Etsy order! And a few random- but fun- letters and postcards, too.

AND... for one FULL week I was completely bedridden with the flu. Ugh, down for the count. SO weak and achey and feverish. I am not certain how I got mail out on those days. Well, two of the days I already had something prepared, just had to get it out. And the others... I was simply determined not to quit the very first week I was doing it! I'll quit later if need be, but not already!

I have been thinking about my New Year's resolutions. I would be thinking about them anyway, I guess, but I am hosting a swap concerning them, so I need to actually SET some. It occurred to me that most years I can't really look back and say Oh THAT'S what I did this year! So this year I am going to do several things. I'm going to try to choose a character trait to improve. I'm going to continue my snailmail 365 effort. And I am going to work towards getting a cookbook published.

For years I have been trying to perfect my cookie recipes, thinking maybe one day I will have the courage to open a bakery or something. But honestly, I am just not sure I DO, or ever will. And getting the recipes down, accurately, everything listed correctly and measured properly... this takes work, which has to be done well before any store can be opened. I have decided that besides the Dandelion SnailMail 365 (how cute!), which is really just for fun, I am going to attempt 52 cookie recipes. Initially it sounded SO easy to do. I bake cookies all the time anyway, frequently more than one batch a week... I will simply perfect one recipe a week. Then I started really thinking about it. That means sometimes I will need to try a recipe again and again in one week, to get it right. Or what if it never measures up... do I still count it as an attempt? Or do I have to double up the next week?? It's REALLY quite a few cookies.

Here is what I have come up with: I will attempt one recipe a week, starting with my own personal favorites, which are the result of YEARS of practice and alteration. Frankly, they rock. It's not ME, except that I have made thousands of batches of cookies. Anyone with four cookie-loving kids, that has made thousands of batches of cookies, and corrected and improved bad recipes over the years, baked and ate and changed and baked and ate... will have awesome cookie recipes. I WANT to share them, but I don't want to just give them away. I have put so much into them! And I feel like they are one of the few things I have that are really MINE.

So... I will spend 2011 getting them RIGHT, and trying lots of new ones, too...and hopefully by this time next year I will have a really good start on a supercool-no-fail-cookie cookbook. Cookies anyone can make, with tips and hints I've developed over the years for making really awesome special cookies.

I need a countdown meter on the side of my blog. Two, actually. How do I do that??

And if one of you is a cookbook publisher, I'd really appreciate you giving some of my recipes a shot! Once they are ready, that is. I'll meet you here, the same time next year.

Packages, parcels, and postcards...A year of postal glee

2010-12-02T14:25:00.006-05:00

Do you like the new look of my blog? I thought it was just about time I updated a bit. And just in time for the holidays! I have been SO bad about posting, but I resolve to do better! (Yep, resolutions already.) Just to let you know, I DID banish a bunch of nasty little LIMFACs, AND reached several goals, including my walking goal, listed below... I was just extraordinarily bad at keeping everything recorded!

This year I am going to send out a piece of snail mail every day that I can. I got the idea from another blog, called a Year of Letters, which I think is a lovely idea. However I know I will be sending more than just letters, so I thought I'd rather go the snail mail route. Plus, I don't want to commit to days with no mail delivery. I will fall hopelessly behind that way, I'm sure of it!! I guess mine is a year of postal Dandelion Smiles, minus Sundays and holidays. :)

So, to aid me in my goal of spreading Dandelion Smiles all over the place, I will focus on several things:

One, I am an active (overly active, actually) member of swap-bot.com, a swapping community. So lots of my mail will be sent for swaps, I'm sure.

Two, I have an Etsy shop, Dandelion Smiles, and I am going to count packages sent for that. Although, let's be honest here... Those parcels are few and far between! But I do try to make them extra special, so hopefully the receivers do smile when they open them.

Three, I have joined chemoangels.net, an organization that matches up "angels" with chemo patients, so the patient will receive several letters or packages each week of their treatment. (They also sponsor senior angels... check them out!) I think this is a spectacular idea, and giving someone something positive to focus on will be great. I will also be sending a weekly package or letter to a friend's mother who will be starting her chemo again shortly (or she may have already begun! I need to get on the ball!)

And four, I have several lovely ladies with whom I regularly correspond, and friends to whom I NEED to write but haven't. They will all benefit from this!

In reading over my list, I think I can easily fit in Sundays and holidays as well! That sounds like a crazy amount of mail! Well, we'll just start it off and see where it goes, right? And, always looking for interesting and fun ways to package or send my mail, if you stumble across an interesting site or page in your web-travels that relates to mail or packages or letters, etc, throw me a link and I will join you there. Thanks!

Tea For Me!

2010-10-09T11:20:00.005-04:00

TEA!!! I just have to blog about my favorite teas... from teavana.com. (click the blog title to visit) They are ridiculously expensive, some of them. But I love them SO much. So far all of the flavors I have tried are sweet and smooth, with absolutely NO bitterness. And they are so pretty, too! They make me smile when I just measure them out into the cup. and sometimes I display the dried teas in pretty clear glass jars on the counter. (Don't tell them I do this, though... they highly discourage letting any light get to their teas.) I like globs of amber-honey-loveliness in my tea, but these teas are slightly sweet on their own. I am trying to wean myself down to a normal amount of honey each morning, and am proud of my success.

This morning I had Pear Lemon Panache... YUM. Herbal Awesomeness. Yesterday I mixed Lemon Youkou: a lovely golden herbal tea with large pieces of dried lemon, and a very strong lemony fragrance: with Queen of Babylon, a delicately fruity flavored white tea. What a sweet way to wake up! And no bitterness at all. Now I am steeping a cup of Raspberry Riot Lemon Mate... always delicious. The teas are full of lovely dried bits and pieces... I found a tiny little rosebud in this one that I pulled out to show you.

Strawberry Lemonade is another that I love, and Weight to Go is a fruity flavored black tea that is supposed to help you lose weight, too. I'm not sure about that claim, but I CAN attest that it is one of the few black teas I've tried and really loved. (tastes much better than its drab name implies!) There's also a raspberry jasmine thing, and a raspberry green tea with a strong vanilla flavor... are you noticing a pattern emerging? I do love fruity teas, and anything with berry in the name is bound to get my attention. But next on my list to taste is Fruta Lemon Pomegranate Tea Blend. Mmmm. Pomegranate teas are some of my favorites. They also have these delicious sugar stick tea stirrers, and cute little bags for making your own tea bags (although I use the infuser most of the time)

If you are lucky enough to live near a retail store you can sample teas all day long, and smell and see them in person. Sounds silly but it's so much fun. It's two hours for me to the closest store, but I do occasionally do it. The online store has reviews of each tea that the purchasers have left, which I, as a non-tea-connoisseur, found quite helpful. And there are SO many to choose from. Almost makes you wish the work week had more mornings! Almost.

Treat yourself!

September snuck up on me!

2010-09-14T09:31:00.005-04:00

I am so terribly embarrassed!! My last post was in April?? seriously??? Well, that is craziness.
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Updates:
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Through September 1 I have walked 261 miles towards my goal. Pretty darn good, I'd say!! I have made exercise a regular part of my week and while I do feel it's time to step it up a bit, I feel good about my success here.
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I have not actually lost much weight... but that could be the result of all the EATING I do. I am in both the walking challenge (which I am succeeding in!) AND a diet swap... which I am failing miserably... but to be honest the diet swap is the only reason I have not ADDED weight this summer. So maybe that's not a total failure.
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My Dad's diabetes is causing some circulation and swelling problems in his legs, and also serious kidney problems. And I won't even go into my Mom's physical problems (not that they are any less important... it just gets to be too much!) They are both doing okay, but not great, spending most of their time now focused on their physical issues, which is no fun. So, any prayers going in their direction would be truly lovely! They are, however, going on a wonderful trip to the midwest to visit all of their friends and family again. It is my Mom's 60th high school reunion, and she will be the belle of the ball. (She looks very young) AND is determined not to wear orthopedic shoes, which made me laugh. I am not sure why, as I would be determined not to wear them, either!! Go, Mom! The heels will be awesome! They are all thinking it will be too much for them to travel out again to all meet, so are anticipating in a bittersweet way, with lots of excitement AND some small amount of sadness, too.
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And finally some big happy news-es about myself... I will be walking in a walk against Diabetes Saturday October 9th. I'd love it if any of you would be willing to support my walk financially. Every single gift counts, whether it is $100 or $1. I will add the link as soon as I figure out how. ;) I think if you click on the title of this blog it will take you to my walk page. I am really looking forward to making this small contribution to help defeat something several members of my family are struggling with. My goal is only $300, but I am hoping to collect even more than that. Next year hopefully I will start planning sooner!
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And... (prepare yourself for some giant green feelings of jealousy)... On Saturday one of my 'old' high school friends (and I use the term 'old' to describe our friendship, not HER) flies in from the other side of the world (figuratively) and Sunday we drive down to North Carolina for a full WEEK on the beach with two other high school friends. (also OLD friends but certainly none of us is actually OLD!!) SO MUCH excitement between the four of us. We have tried to get several other ladies from school to join us (the house is all paid for, after all, no matter who comes or doesn't!!) but things just don't seem to work out for them. Hopefully one or two will at least be joining us for a couple of days.
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But a FULL WEEK... on the BEACH... just so fun. We have been anticipating this week for 12 months. I will try to tell you about it later.
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I am going to include a poem I wrote about our beach weekend last year (did I mention it's a full week this year???) because I don't really think anybody will read this anyway, and I just love it. It is exactly how I felt while we sat under the shooting stars eating chocolate someone in Germany had sent me, and making wishes. I hope you guys have a great day today.
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Glitter tossed across a darkened sky; stars, reflected in the ocean,
seem to give the notion they are waiting for reply from man or moon.
They shimmer fully bright, no city lights to dim them,
and listen to the water's music crashing on the shore.
Do they know that there is more than this, or is this all the world tonight,
this darkened shiny bit of coastline where we sit?
Friends sigh and think and breathe beneath this sparkled velvet sky;
count shooting stars that fly and burn away the worries of the back-home-day;
chocolate bars are broken into bits of creamy dreamy bliss
And shared between the whispered wishes and the silliness that comes to mind.
When we look back, we'll find a perfect moment, framed in memory;
a snapshot of my friends and me that we can save inside,
to pull out when the smiles have nearly died away; to brighten up a future night
where stars are dimmer, with more space between, and wishes nearly wished away.
We'll save one wish for that long day,
that we can soon be back beneath the glitter scattered night.

We Walk, Because We Can... and because we need to. :)

2010-04-26T01:07:00.003-04:00

I am off with my friend Kallie on a 345 mile virtual walk. I tried this before but I wasn't organized enough to keep up with my miles!! :) But this time I will. I honestly don't KNOW Kallie except in a "virtual" manner, as my husband reminds me of all my lovely pen-friends... but we are trying to help each other move in a healthier direction.

I say virtual walk... we will REALLY be exercising, but will record our miles every day and walk to "virtually" meet each other. If you'd like to walk with us, our virtual meeting place will be Birch River, West VA. Google map how far this is from YOU and join us!!! I even have a site we will be using to post updates along the way... but I don't want to post it until I have Kallie's permission.

So, get out there, buy some new shoes, put on your headphones, and start walking!!

Dirty Holly

2010-04-17T13:18:00.012-04:00

Do you think this guy is adorable?? He is a Wish Fairy... he is about 2 1/2 inches tall, and is attached to a glass jar about 7 inches tall, filled with 100 unwished Wishes (currently taking on the form of dandelion seeds). I made him for my Etsy store but now am thinking he might need to live here. Go to Etsy.com/shop/dandelionsmiles to see the ones I DID list. He might still go, but... I don't really think so.

And THIS sweet little bookmark was given in a tag on swap-bot.com. I think I should have kept her... she is so adorable!! Katie made her long ago and kept her (nearly finished) in the craft box. I finished her up (she was mostly done) Hopefully I can make another just like her, because I LOVE her!

I am definitely not exercising every day... but I am officially dieting, jogging every other day or so, and generally amazing myself in other ways. One pound down!!

One way I have amazed myself: Mark went out of town and I spent the ENTIRE four days deep-cleaning-and-organizing my living room, office, craft area, bedroom, and den. UGH!!! It was really truly deep down embarrassingly disgusting. Dirty Holly, that's for sure. My sister-in-law helped me (thank you Jen!). It wasn't so much actual physical assistance I needed, as help in staying focused, and seeing problems in a new way.

The whole project started when I stopped at a thrift store to look for a dresser for my son, who vehemently asserts daily that he does not NEED or WANT one. Instead I found some awesome furniture for my living room. Well you may not think it's awesome, but I do. :) Very retro-waiting-room. Each piece was just $10 (I got four! Two are in other rooms), the table was $10, the lamp was $20 --too much, but TOO cool!!-- and the awesome chair was $30. And the best part? There's nowhere left to stash crap! In the other living room I had stuff under and behind the couch, in all the corners and nooks and crannies... it was bad. I also bought a bunch of storage boxes from Michaels for $1.50 each on sale, and organized ALL of my extensive craft supplies and marketing supplies for work. It was a HUGE mess. And such a relief now that it's done. Here are pictures of my room, and chair of Awesomeness. I just need a new rug and a small "vintage" coffee table to be content with it. Oh, and a funky piece of art...

Still have loads of closets and cubbies to get to, but my craft supplies look pretty good, huh? Now I feel like a human being again.

Two miles yesterday. We have a load of mulch in the driveway, and I just might decide that is exercise enough for one or two days.

Day 11; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

2010-04-11T14:20:00.003-04:00

I missed some days! MORE than one. I am a squishy bullfrog with no determination :( Hmmm... a bullfrog does not sound right... the squishy is good, but, what has no self-discipline??? Well, whatever it is, that's me right now.

BUT.... on the plus side... I went 5 miles today! Proud of myself for that, but also... well, around mile 4 I decided that my goal was about a mile too far. I finished my jog, even picked up the pace a tiny bit (or so it felt) but still think that was too far. Ouch. I am very out-of-shape. So maybe not no determination, but it is certainly not around everyday. It comes and goes as it pleases.

:)

DAY SEVEN: 21 Days to Form Solidify a Habit??

2010-04-07T10:14:00.007-04:00

I was thinking about that twenty-one days everyone tells me it takes to create a new habit, or break an old one. Thinking about it hopefully. With hope. I looked up the specific definition of hopefully, so I could share with you exactly what I was feeling, and every definition included the word hopeful! So I looked up hopeful, and guess what? Every definition included the word hope. Good grief. So... I looked up hope. "A specific instance of feeling hopeful." I am not kidding. Tried again..."to entertain or indulge hope." Hmm. Seriously? Shall we try a third site? Once more... "the feeling that what is wanted can be had, or that events will turn out for the best." Well, that's better.

I was thinking about those twenty-one days hopefully, trying to will myself to believe after twenty-one days I might WANT to jog. Trying to make myself believe that after twenty-one days of exercise I would have developed a new habit. I am easily convinced, easily influenced, a borderline hypochondriac at times... if you are around me Tuesday, then call me Wednesday to let me know you have developed strep throat, my throat will hurt like the dickens for a few days before I finally decide I do not have it. So I figured if I could see it in print, this would help my fantasy along a bit, help it to develop form and weight and substance. My little bit of research was not terribly encouraging.

It turns out that the famous twenty-one days was introduced by Dr. Maxwell Maltz in 1960. Yes, for fifty years this myth has been spread about, only reaching its pinnacle recently with the viral strength of the internet. Dr. Maltz noticed that it took amputees twenty-one days to adjust to living without their limb, and suggested that this led him to believe it would take us twenty-one days to adjust to any major change. So if I cut off a limb or have some horrible major life change, I can expect that around three weeks later I will have more or less adjusted to it. But if I want to add a glass of water to my diet every day, or start getting up earlier each morning, I am not so sure this idea applies. As a matter of fact I am certain it does not.

Recently there was a new study performed by Dr. Phillippa Lally and published in the European Journal of Social Psychology. No, I did not even do enough research to read the study. Instead I read this webpage: www.spring.org.uk/2009/09/how-long-to-form-a-habit.php .This research determined that a change such as adding a piece of fruit at lunch takes an average of sixty-six days to become as much a habit as it will become. That is to say, we might not automatically do it still, but we will be as likely to do it as we ever will be. Kind of a habit plateau. Hmm. And it gets worse... the more difficult the task is, the longer the "habit change" takes. As long as 254 days in this study. And worse yet... there were sub-groups which suggested some people might be somewhat habit resistant. Seriously?? Well, I know I am not part of that group, I am definitely a creature of habit, so I won't worry about that one for now... but the other has me a bit put off.

It did say that one or two days missed would not affect results. This is great news for me because I think I am missing today and tomorrow. Maybe not, we'll see... but typically if I don't get it in early, I don't get it in. Maybe I can inspire myself to go late tonight, kind of in the middle of when I would normally (normal being the past eight days) exercise.

On a much more positive, encouraging note (for me, anyway)... I HAVE jogged every day except Easter. At least two miles, as was my goal, up to four. Mostly two. :) So yay me!!! I will try not to think about the next 59 days, or more likely 247. Because I do remember a time when I really looked forward to my daily jog, and I will look forward hopefully believing that day will come again.

Day THREE

2010-04-03T13:12:00.000-04:00

:)!

Day Two !!

2010-04-02T11:21:00.002-04:00

Day 2...April 2nd, hence my confidence it is Day 2! :) And for you scoffers, of which I was one, I DID get up early today and jog... Just two miles, but the distance was not nearly as important as the 'doing'.

Day 1

2010-04-01T19:45:00.002-04:00

I was going to count DOWN, but it occurred to me, with my Memory Issues, perhaps counting up would make more sense, since then I could follow the date on the calendar. (Ha, so THERE, oh Wicked Curse'd Fate, foiled, foiled you are!) I shouldn't even joke about that. It will just find some other way to irritate me. JK, Fate. :) (I hope she speaks Text)

So Day one of my Thirty Days to Amaze (Myself!), and frankly I am not too amazed... but I did run two miles yesterday. Day -1. Today I went into work and now I am tired. BUT... work is quite physical, so I don't feel too badly. Tomorrow my plan is to get up early... we are off at 8 to pick Sarah up from college. SSOOOO... I either exercise at 6 AM (ugh!! With a double "uh"!!) or tomorrow night. But we all know if I wait it won't get done.

Just have to convince myself. At 5:45 when the alarm goes off.

Maybe it will be raining?? Well, see, I DID amaze myself... with my pathetic-ness! 5:45 it is.

Thirty Days!!

2010-03-31T11:12:00.003-04:00

I just posted, but I thought this needed a separate post. Plus I don't really want to do it. But I promised my sister. So.

I am committing to 30 days of exercise. Ugh. I tried this earlier but kind of wimped out, so I thought if I can post it here, perhaps I will feel more accountable? Nothing else seems to help. :) It's not that I dislike exercise, it's that I don't want to commit the time. And I keep inventing excuses not to do it.

So here I am, at the beginning of a new month... what better way to celebrate April Fool's Day than with a foolish goal? Here it is:

It's my Thirty Days to Amaze (MYSELF) Challenge. And I WILL be amazed if I stick it out.

I commit to either jogging (2-4 miles) or doing one of my walking DVDs at LEAST 5 days a week for the next month. Um... let me rephrase that... to TRYing to do this. I commit to TRY. In the process I hope to increase my fruits and vegetables and decrease the crap I eat, but honestly that is NOT what this is about. It's about setting one goal on which I will follow through.

So, DAY I technically should be Thursday... but I have to go in to work Thursday and I am home today. AND it's not raining. So off I go to jog. I figure that gives me one day I can cheat on later. What a winner's attitude, huh?

Um, I could use some encouragement... daily.

MORE PEEPS...

2010-03-31T10:39:00.004-04:00

Ha ha! Just in time for Easter... more Peeps art! (click on the title) Some are excellent, some are not... but still I had fun browsing the Peeps-ideas. Made me want to buy some Peeps and make my own art! And you know what, I just might.

So, I apologize for the time that has passed since I last wrote. I didn't want to write that I hadn't exercised or lost any weight! But I did other things...

I started an Etsy store (Peeps-free)... this was a big deal because it was a LIMFAC for me! Yep, scary. But... now I am not sure what to do with it. I have to figure out some fun things to sell, and make the photos pretty, etc. More work than I had anticipated. :) All the things I have made over the years, and now I can't remember any of them.

Also... I began my Superviva list. A friend in Canada shared this with me. Once I saw that she wanted to learn to pickpocket (not for financial gain, of course!), and spend all day in a French flea market, I was hooked on the idea of a list. Plus, I knew I had found one of those rare people that is weird in the same way I am weird. Or maybe it was that I really want to ride an elephant, and she has already done that! You should check this place out... just look up superviva.com. I think it is a great idea to write out all the things you want to do, or try, or be, or improve... my list is kind of random in some places, and I consider it a work in progress... kind of a living-list that will breathe and change and grow over time. To be honest so often I think, "Oh, I want to do that!" But then I forget about it. This will give me something concrete to look at. I can also look at other lists, and join conversations with people with similar goals, and see what they are using for inspiration, or what tools they have found helpful. If you do start a list, look me up. It's "hollycm". So far I have only written my initial list and need all the ideas I can get.

I have started our Chick-fil-A's Facebook fan page... as you can see from the little glowing reminder on the left side of the page! We will be hosting a walk for Toms Shoes' annual "One Day Without Shoes" event, April 8th. I love the idea of a business that doesn't apologize for making a profit, but also helps people out. Toms donates a pair of shoes to a child in a developing country for each pair they sell. And April the 8th is a day for everyone to go without shoes, just to remember what a simple pair of shoes can mean to someone who has never had them... fewer infections, able to attend school, able to get a job and maybe escape some of the poverty into which they were born. So we will be hosting a barefoot walk in Virginia Beach, not to raise money, just to raise awareness. And, then eating lunch, of course, at Chick-fil-A! A win-win situation, in my opinion. :) Check out the events around the country at Toms website, or read about it on our Facebook page.

And maybe you can go one day without shoes... just to be with us in spirit!

Peeps are Important!

2010-03-11T08:46:00.007-05:00

I am supposed to be writing about my diet and exercise challenge this week. But I can't. Sugar is my downfall! I found these Peeps photos I had to share instead... I LOVE Peeps. Not so much to eat, but for their wacky art. (and comment on our society!) Recently I had the opportunity to shop in the first Peeps store, in Maryland. So adorable! Lots of free samples (it's Mike and Ike's, too, and they had some really great flavors!) but most impressively (if a Peeps event can be called impressive) was the Peeps art. Very fun.

Check out the link above by clicking on the title "Peeps are important!" You will be glad you did. Peeps Sushi was great, but Peeps van Gogh... I love it. And The Obama picture. Wow. :)

Flying At the Speed of Time...

2010-02-15T23:25:00.004-05:00

Life is short... days that once drifted languidly by, revealing beauty and secrets and wisdom at a leisurely pace, now speed like a freight train. Whistle blowing and wheels clacking... and I just try to hold on. Some days I realize I don't have a seat, or even a ticket... I'm just hanging onto the outside of the train like some cartoon character, legs trailing out behind me. I know you have all felt like this.

And it's not that I am too busy. This has been the most relaxing page my story has come upon in ages. Leisure, however briefly, is my middle name. :)

But you know what I'm talking about. Remember summer days that spent themselves frugally, slowly, every moment a drop of cool water? Remember school classes that seemed endless? A sorrowful glance at the clock showed just two minutes had crawled past since the previous glance (yet you couldn't NOT look, even knowing what that surreptitious peek would reveal). Remember the first day of Christmas vacation, and knowing you had half a month before any formatted and regimented routine would box you in again? Or summer... goodness, an oasis in front of you! A vast expanse; not a meadow, but a whole continent. A whole summer-- which, by the way, lasted nearly two and a half years back then, or so it felt. I remember. And I remember days of diapers and baths and bedtime stories (read again and again and again!!), upset tummies and sniffles and earaches, dandelion bouquets and sandbox parties... I remember when going to the mall or the grocery store was truly an excursion... the required equipment alone was daunting. Those days were full, I'd say even overly full, but passed slowly, the way a day should pass.

Now it seems like half a year will fly by before I've even had a chance to peer through its window. Is this just part of getting old? Because, while I am all in favor of empty nests and senior discounts and time for books or bubbles baths of my own, I think this supersonic time thing sucks. Is there someone I can talk to about this? I'd like to get it fixed.

Wiifit. I like it, but it has untapped potential...

2010-02-08T07:34:00.005-05:00

Wow, my blogging consistency level has plummeted! As has any other consistency... A small example: I used my wiifit for the first time in January... then waited a few days, tried it again. That darn wii. It keeps track of everything. The little voice said - Oh! It has been two weeks since you were here! - TWO weeks! Well, it SEEMED like a few days. Four... fourteen... whatever. And when I gained a pound it suggested that A) my weight loss goals would be difficult to achieve if I kept gaining weight, B) I should sign in every day, and C) Would I like to change my goals? :)

I need a wiifit in charge of my whole life. It would be frustrating (when it tested my bmi it said I was obese, and my little mii suddenly puffed up like a balloon! Rude.)... but I need minute by minute accountability, so it might be well worth the frustration.

"If you eat that brownie your weight loss goals will be difficult to achieve. Would you like to change your goals, or your menu?" And suddenly a table full of healthy, simple, delicious options would appear in front of me; the only thing required of me would be to point and click.

"The words you are about to speak will make your relationship goals much less likely to occur. Relationship success decreases by 28%. May I suggest a new phrase?" And a list of applicable, kind, loving, concise phrases would appear in front of my eyes. Point. Click.

"That book you are about to read will actually decrease your intelligence level by 5% and increase your gullibilty by 8%. Here are some suggestions which will improve your mind, your vocabulary, and your spirit, while also stimulating your imagination." Point. Click. Nice.

"That movie is poorly done. Don't waste your money. Try this one instead. Don't forget to have water instead of soda, and skip the movie theater popcorn to assist with your obesity problem. Here's a Fiber One bar." Point. Click. Wiifit, I would stand in line for days for an opportunity to purchase your WiifitPC, Portable Conscience. I would pay triple for you on eBay. I would wait a year for you to send one to the game store in my neighborhood.

The Wiifit is pretty cool, but I can see room for improvement.

General Mills does it again.

2010-01-29T00:28:00.003-05:00

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May I just say one thing tonight.... Chocolate Cheerios.
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See? A hush fell over the room, didn't it? And a bunch of you just went 'mm-hmm', when you read the words. The goodness of whole grain oats, with fabulous fiber, and fun, too.
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I vote we rename them chocoliscious-o's.

The daily battle for domination

2010-01-25T09:27:00.005-05:00

Today is a gray and rainy day. I woke up to the power flashing off, then back on. (on is good!) I suppose I wouldn't like it to stay this way for long, but I do enjoy the dreariness of a good cold rainy day, if I can be inside most of the day. It feels slow and lazy and wonderful.

Do you love my latest notecards? I am ridiculously pleased with myself over them. I am a little addicted to drawing notecard and stationery designs. I even make coordinating envelopes. I had thought about trying to sell them on etsy, I just can't decide if I really want to yet.
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I have been walking early every morning with my neighbor. Without accountability, I just don't hold myself to a new regimen very effectively, so I am glad to have her help. And I finally, with Seth's assistance, (my 14 year old son) hooked up the wiifit!! So today, though rainy, I have no excuse not to exercise!! At least, none YET. :)

Remember the no complaining swap I was in? I think I will need to revisit that, because I have been complaining pretty regularly for a few days!! Ugh. I don't know what gets into me sometimes. I know the nice person I REALLY am, but sometimes I just can't seem to let her take her rightful place in society for any length of time. NastyMe can be so overpowering and poor SweetMe is just completely dominated. She doesn't stand a chance. Well, today is another day. Come on SweetMe, fight for independence! Never give up!!

I'll let you know how that goes.

Colds, Twinkies, and Self Control

2010-01-19T21:15:00.004-05:00

Most of last week passed in a fog... I had this weird cold... stuffy, tired, and fuzzy-headed. The last one was the symptom I found so unusual... couldn't think, couldn't focus, it was like walking in a fog, literally. Both of my daughters were sick as well and both complained of the same thing (confirming that I was NOT crazy). Hence the blatant lack of blogging! More or less healthy now, however, and getting myself on track. I have kept up with the devotional I am reading, and tonight actually went to the gym for the first time in months! It felt great! I won't tell you how much weight I have gained since Katie's wedding, though I should... it is too humiliating. But even that is not getting me down.

My goal is not weight loss, although that will happen, if I start doing things I need to do. For example, I am trying to make sure I get five servings of fruits and vegetables a day, and two dairy. That's a lot of food! If I actually eat that much healthy food I won't be eating nearly as much fattening, useless, calorie-laden food. (Um... I need to purge my soul at this point... I was in a lovely little chocolate boutique earlier today, purchasing fancy chocolates for OTHER people, not for myself... but I did buy myself a chocolate covered Twinkie. Now, this does not fullfill my life-goal of trying a fried Twinkie, but when I saw it I knew I was destined to have it. I am pleased to report, however, that I am being good and saving it to share with my kids after I reach an exercise goal. :) Anyway, back to the veggies...changing those habits alone should get my weight where it needs to be. (even with the Twinkie)

Karen sent me information about an April half marathon... at the beach! I am totally completely enamored of the beach and that is a big draw for me. But I'm not sure I can be ready in time. [by the way, grammar OC tidbit here: apparently there is some debate over today's usage of enamored of or enamored with, but I feel confident in my choice] I thought I'd give myself two weeks and see how far (???) I get in my training before I decide one way or the other.

Finally, I have to tell you about a swap I did last week. I am an active swapper on swap-bot.com. It is REALLY fun, and I have met some great ladies there. Generally I am swapping something I have drawn, or made, or a good book...this one swap was different, and really intrigued me, however. It was a no complaing swap. No complaining, griping, or mean spirited sarcasm for seven days. Wow! I was at lunch one day and said something, then slapped my hand over my mouth and asked "Was that complaining?" and my son-in-law Charlie asked how long I had been doing the swap, anyway? Katie answered for me, "An hour." That's right, crashed and burned in less than sixty minutes!! Each time I caught myself in a potential slip, which was pretty much daily, I'd ask, "Oh, was that complaining?" Invariably Sarah would answer, "No, that was informative," and Mark would answer at the same time, "Yes!" The difference in men and women. :) I became painfully aware of my words, and my attitudes. I was amazed at how often something negative tried to run out and play!! But overall the week was a success, and I will do it again. I challenge you to try it. Find a partner, though, because you need the accountability at the end of the week. And it will be nice to know someone else understands!

A Fresh Start!!

2010-01-01T16:20:00.002-05:00

That's what I like about the new year... I kind of despise its marking the passage of time, but I do love the new beginning... the feeling of a clean slate that I have for the first few days. As if my history has vanished, and all of my errors have been mislaid for a while, and I have the potential to be and feel and act perfectly. My head tells me it's a little silly... that it's just a day, following along after the other sixteen thousand and something days I have previously lived... but in my imagination it is Day One.
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I read something today that suggested my brain can't really tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. I believe to some extent this is true, because I have fully accepted a statement as true before, later remembering that someone had told it to me as a joke, or I had read it in a novel, or some other ridiculous extreme. But my brain remembered the idea, not the source, and simply accepted it.
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So today I have set my goals for the year and I will create my own reality. (Which I fully believe should occur on January first, anyway!!! I should be allowed to create a whole new world if I am not totally satisfied with my old world!)
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I have written my goals down in a kind of "goal journal" ... this will be the year of the journal for me. Goal journal, prayer journal, reading journal, exercise journal... I may combine them all into a daily group. :) I would suggest I might BLOG a journal, but I need to be able to refer back to a paper copy, all in one place! And maybe if I see positive things written about my accomplishments, my brain will believe them!!
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Sorry I was AWOL for so long. I am back on the LIMFAC defeating track. I hope some of you are still there. I will need encouragement for this one. It's a half-marathon. (Feel free to talk me out of it)

Day whatever-plus-some-more...A Good Day... sigh.

2009-10-20T18:24:00.002-04:00

I just learned something so exciting.... December 18th this year (and every year!!) is National Bake Cookies Day!! Hoo-ray! I am going to celebrate in style. But more about that, later. :)

Wedding stress update... my stress level this week is much lower. (another shout of hoo-ray, but a nice calm quite unstressed one)... this because I was able to stay home and spend the day cleaning, organizing, and accomplishing "list" things. Nice. And last week I spent a day getting Sarah's room nearly ready for her. My upstairs hallway is walkable, Katie's belongings (as sad as this is) are all secured in her new home or exciting lots of workers with their vastness at Goodwill. I spoke to the restaurant today and straightened out some unfathomables hanging over my head. Heck, at this rate, I may just get cookies baked!! I feel like a real person again. Nearly so, anyway. And look, no synonyms for mean or irritated or obnoxious... how great is that?

husbands can be a nice thing to have

2009-10-15T21:37:00.003-04:00

Some days are rainbow days, some days are Jonah days... today, for Mark, was a taken day. Well, no... a "took" day... he "took" pity on me, "took" the day off work, and "took" me SHOE SHOPPING at the mall. (and to be exact, the hunt spread to two malls... it was a big deal.) Yes, you read correctly. Shoe shopping replaced work. I ended up with a headache and he ended up with a migraine of the psyche, but it was a successful day (in MY opinion) and he earned major brownie points... never a bad thing. I did find shoes, and the ones I finally chose were the inexpensive ones! Smiles for both of us! And I dropped my jacket off at the tailor's, so now I will have both shoes and a dress for Katie's wedding. Yay, me! My jacket won't be ready until next Friday evening, and I can't get it until Saturday, a little scary for me. I'd like to have it earlier, but at least it will be done.

We pick Katie's dress up tomorrow. The cake is ordered, the flowers, the church, the reception, photos for their guest book (it will be so sweet, now I just have to make it:)... it is all coming together. My house is still a wicked mess. But I care a little less. I think it's the shoes. Shoe shopping is good for the soul.

chocolate chip glimmers of hope

2009-10-12T12:17:00.003-04:00

Day-Way-Too-Close-To-The-Wedding and my house is still a disaster. Major. Seriously. But I did jog today... I actually ran up to Wal-Mart to get the boys some soccer socks... now that is a dedicated soccer mom!! By the way we are also selling Joe Corbis pizzas and cookie doughs for soccer if you are interested... :) And they are yummy. But enough fundraising. I thought it would be about three miles to Wally's world but I think it was closer to two or two and a half. It didn't feel far. I got back and ate Sarah's left over pizza from last night. Good grief. Oh well, I am six pounds lighter and that is something. Over the next year I will end up even lighter, I am positive! :) Maybe.

The wedding is coming right along, and so is the wedding date. So I guess that's a good thing. If one is coming along so should the other. I might be over my mean and nasty spell, temporarily, anyway... but I hate to commit to that. So let's just say today is a little better. At least I don't feel like looking up "mean" synonyms in the dictionary today, so maybe that's something. I slept from 7 PM Saturday night to 9 AM Sunday; maybe that will turn out to have been beneficial. And Mark gave me today off, to spend with Sarah allegedly, but probably to keep basket-case drama at bay.

By the way chocolate chip muffins are excellent after a hot sweaty jog. Not-so-much the leftover pizza. I think I see my weight loss roadblock.

MDL alert, but art seems to help. :)

2009-10-10T00:54:00.002-04:00

Day whatever-whatever, you know the routine. Still not losing any more weight... I am such a slacker!!! No jogging or exercise today, either, and no Bible reading. So, pretty much O for 3, right? Oh well, Saturday is another day, the sun will rise, and everything will be fresh and clean and rosy-pink, won't it??? Tell me it will, please? And tomorrow... I jog!

I have taken to doing these little art projects or writing poetry when I feel stressed. I am a member of this site called swap-bot.com, and one of the good things about it is that it has gotten me drawing and painting and creating things again. It's so relaxing. (Until afterwards, when I see the huge mess I have created along with this brilliant piece of art.:)

It has also gotten me a sweet pen pal. Well, maybe not sweet, I don't know, but we seem to get along pretty well, in the paper and virtual world anyway, despite the fact that to her I am old. I am rather immature so I'm sure it's okay. ;) She and I are mailing a notebook back and forth with our letters and updates and drawings and little gifts for each other. And I included a poem on a pretty (?) collaged page. She made me a CD of the music she was listening to that day... what a great idea! It is a nice distraction for me and I told her there are few sweeter pleasures than a long honest-to-goodness paper letter that you know the writer has actually handled before you. (I think I mentioned this before?) Anyway, the point of that whole thing was this... tonight I was writing my sister a letter and I thought, why don't I start a notebook for her, too? We both enjoy REAL letters, and she has quite a bit of free time right now, I think, while she is in DC without her family. So I did, and I included several poems which I placed on overly decorated pages, and which is why my fingertips are covered in mod podge and I am sitting at the computer at 1:10 AM instead of asleep in my bed, as I should be. I will be tired tomorrow, but crafting or writing or painting all seem to be as soothing to me as warm steamy hot cocoa, or lemony honey-laced hot tea... (and I had tea, too!) and I didn't even know because I hadn't let myself waste time on a project like this in years. And it is worth it, because it is helping me deal with my rolling coaster emotions!

All of this has nothing to do with LIMFACs, or very little anyway. Although now that I consider that statement, I do have some imagined self-imposed limits in the areas of writing and painting and creating, so maybe I can pretend that I am in some way taking step one towards overcoming those LIMFACs. And sometimes a pretence is the first step to making a real change.

I am losing friends and not happy about that. Simply through circumstances, I suppose, not losing, but I feel like people I care about are fading out for a bit... I have never felt like I had so many friends that I could afford to drop any by the wayside, yet over time friendships do seem to fade away, or get pushed behind something more relevant to present life, and kind of forgotten, to be peeked at now and again in a moment of heart-felt pathos. Or something. I'm so grateful for some of the reconnections, but I don't like losing others. Not at all.

Must be time for bed, if I am starting to feel sorry for myself again!!

And a special note to my beach buddies: Thank you, Friends, for answering my MDL alert. (A kind of code word we text to each other in case of a very bad day... if you receive MDL from me, know that it was texted or spoken in a moment of extreme stress or irritation... but just texting it probably caused me to smile just the tiniest bit, too.) Maybe it is the moon, since it seemed unanimous? And that lets us all off the hook, as far as liability.

Staring blankly, barely breathing, wishing for a sweeter day...

2009-10-08T21:46:00.006-04:00

Day whatever-and-however-many-more... I am not too terribly concerned any more. I am tired and crabby. Not just irritable. Out and out crabby. Grrr. (Yes, that was me growling at you. No, I am not crabby with you, but don't get too close, even virtually speaking.) Several things are contributing to this, but I won't bother listing them here. Some of them you can guess and some of them no one can guess and some of them shouldn't be making me irritable anyway. It's not even a Jonah day... nothing bad has happened ...just feeling mean. Not like kick-your-cat-mean, which I don't think I ever feel... more like feel-sorry-for-yourself-and-snap-at-loved-ones-mean.

I looked up "mean" in the thesauraus, just to make myself feel better. I know that's weird, but it does, some. Cantankerous. One of my favorites even on the best days, and I think generally doesn't describe me (although probably Mark would disagree), so maybe I can get some small secret enjoyment out of the fact that I actually embody today one of my favorite words. Also churlish, which isn't bad, and doesn't really get a lot of talk-time. And it reminds me of childish, which I am definitely being. Parsimonious, another sweet one. Kind of a different type of "mean" than I meant, but it still fits. I am feeling rather ungenerous. Rapacious... doesn't really fit my mood, but that's a nice word that I didn't recognize. I am not much in the plundering vein today. And perfidious was much too strong. Nasty, though. That's pretty perfect. Difficult, unpleasant, disagreeable, vexatious, poor, ordinary, obscure, petty ... no, maybe not vexatious. But the rest. Nice. In a mean way.

See, I feel some better already. SOME. Well, it's back to work!! The house is gross and I am trying to un-gross it some. The kids' rooms are about half-way swapped around, and oh my goodness (or meanness) there's quite a bit left before Sarah will have a place to sleep when she is home tomorrow. I don't know what I'd do if Mark weren't picking her up tomorrow and I had to. Well, there's another thing trying to un-crabby my mood. I'll work on it.

At least I did my run

2009-10-05T11:24:00.005-04:00

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Five miles. To the school and back. And I kept my pace up. I am exhausted now!
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My house is so ridiculous, and doesn't seem to be getting anything but worse! I am in the middle of 6 or 7 big jobs... cleaning, arranging, organizing, switching furniture around, switching rooms around... oh, the genuine pains that come with being a clutter-bug. What a mess. If I could just follow through with ONE thing to its completion it would be so helpful. Not only am I a clutter-bug, but one with an attention disorder. And now I just want to sleep! So technically I suppose I am an easily distracted languishing clutter-bug, surrounded by the distinctly untidy snarl of my world. Nice. But the next three days I assume I will be at work (only home today because Seth is home sick, poor guy) and Friday we pick Sarah up for Fall Break...so today's the day! Back to work!! I will attack the jumbled dissaray of my own creation with a vengeance... and if you do not hear anything from me by tomorrow, well... don't bother sending anyone in after me. There's no sense in innocent bystanders being sucked into the vortex of this confused chaotic maelstrom. Hopefully we will speak again...

Oops! Wait! I meant to add that I didn't blow a gasket (that was on my list of goals for Sunday!!)... I should have a counter for THAT... "Day One of HollyWatch, and she hasn't blown a gasket. Let's see how she does with Day Two, shall we??" Yes, let's. One day at a time, just like everything else. :)

Pals

2009-10-04T00:30:00.007-04:00

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So day whatever-it-is-plus-two. Actually plus three since it's after midnight!!
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I did run a bit today. Karen ran 10 miles, then a separate 8!! Marathon training. I ran 1.5 then a separate 1.5. Or so. Dog-jogging. That is, jogging with my dogs the last 1.5. Um...honesty break... one of my dogs is dysplastic and really can't run. So that's just pathetic. Thank goodness it isn't a competition. (but wait...isn't everything a competition??? Maybe tomorrow I can get a nice long run in..... maybe. I'm sure her tomorrow run will be shorter...wait, she will take tomorrow off...I can win!! Hooray!)

I added a few (very few) push-ups. Maybe they count?

I got a lovely letter today from my pen pal...snail mail is wonderful, especially a long chatty letter about nothing, a letter that's just full of fun. It's decadent. Everyone needs a pen pal. I highly recommend it. It is quite therapeutic, anyway, to be able to speak freely to someone you aren't likely to see in person anytime soon...an e-mail friend will accomplish the same thing and gives the same comforting feeling. But an actual package... a letter which you hold in your hand, and feel the crinkle of the paper...a page you know the other person was looking at and deliberating over and writing on... it's just plain fun. Even the phrase "pen pal" is fun. Who doesn't want a pal?? Very "Our Gang"-esque. It's rather Little-Rascals-sweet. Thanks, Pen Pal, for being a good sport. :) And E-mail Pal, you are falling down on the job, now when I need you most!! Wedding stress, remember??? Where are you?

So, tomorrow's goals...

1) don't blow a gasket. Very important. I need all of my gaskets in proper working order.

2) read my Bible

3) exercise

4) eat right. and less (oh, I just HATE that one. I really do)

Have you ever looked at Life as a Game?...it is a Game we did not ask to play, but one in which we participate anyway. It is a Game in which we did not know we were choosing sides, or being chosen, yet we have partners and teammates. It is a Game in which no one actually comes out ahead at the end...and IS there an end? The Game keeps going after we drop out. I have tried to imagine what the rules might say if they were written down, or what the goal would be. If I look at it not as a religious lesson, I think the goal is to enjoy the experience of the Game, and appreciate it, and to help others do the same. Instead of trying to be the "winner", I think we are supposed to help everyone else find some pleasure in the Game. If I examine it in a more religious sense I come out with the same answer, except I would add to the goal pleasing God, the Game designer, through our manner of enjoying and appreciating the Game.

But maybe Pooh said it best, in his ultimate, never out-thought wisdom, when he said that he didn't suppose he was right. And his idea that when "you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it." That may be the case here. As it seems less Thingish to me now that you are looking at it.

I stand by the idea of making the Game fun for others, though. Even Pooh agrees with that part.

"A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference."

AGHHH

2009-10-01T08:51:00.004-04:00

Day Whatever-it-is...I have no idea. I DO know that this wedding is less than 4 weeks away...four still sounded like a lot. But three does NOT!!! Katie had her dress fitting Tuesday...how gorgeous!! She will be beautiful.

I totally blew it after the beach...grr. That's what I get for not blogging. Need that accountability. Haven't lost weight, haven't really done ANYTHING I am supposed to do.

The beach was so lovely!! There is nothing better than a midnight spent lying on a deck eating European chocolate with sleepy friends, counting shooting stars, with the sea providing background music. I would like to spend every midnight that way...but I suppose then it wouldn't be so special!!? I did not attack any LIMFAC's... although I did walk barefoot on the beach at midnight while surrounded by a bunch of killer crabs. We called it the Scary Crab Dance, and did it every night, but only barefooted the last night. Apparently the crabs were afraid of 'Ouisa as there were many fewer that night. So it wasn't even particularly brave of me!! And I saw lighthouse number one on my list of...however many US lighthouses exist. This could take a while. And Manteo is the most adorable place EVER. Cats in every store. Dogs in some. Friendly locals. Good food.

Three nights passed way too quickly. Next year I will try to extend my time as much as possible.

We opened the windows and slept to the hum of the surf. How lovely!! I have never done that before and it was brilliant. Thank you, dear friends!

So...three weeks. And three days. I feel like there are a thousand (expensive) things to be done, no time, and no money. It is so frustrating! But one way or another the day will come and go, and Katie and Charlie will be married. I am starting to feel rather stressed...hmmm. I need a beach week. But since that won't happen I guess I will have to figure something else out. Any suggestions? Breathing techniques? Chocolate therapy?

Helping out some in the restaurant this month. More stress. But I always enjoy being there so perhaps they will cancel each other out. I will try to blog daily, so you will be entertained by the rising level of my stress and panic. I am sure on the 25th I will be a writhing bundle of squishy emotional nerves. But darn it, my dress will look good. And my hair, if I can afford to see Mr. Clean again. (Tom, I mean; that's just my personal nickname)

Day 35... I'm off to the beach :)

2009-09-19T10:44:00.003-04:00

Got up early today and yesterday and jogged...but only a mile and a half or so today. But it felt SO nice. I, um...ate quite a few cookies yesterday. Glad to get THAT off my chest. It's those molasses crinkles!! They are so moist and chewy and spicy and declicious with hot tea!!!!

Taking my Bible with me to Nag's Head, so hopefully I will do everythjing there as well, except write on here... but my friends will be there in PERSON to hold me accountable.

Hey, I am wearing pants today that I haven't been able to get on in quite a while!! Still too tight but I'm wearing them anyway. :)

The beach!! I'm so excited. I'll write again Tuesday, unless someone there brings their computer. But know, I am having fun AND being good...and hopefully fighting LIMFACs, if any come up there.

I probably posted this before, but I can't remember. So I am doing it again. Just don't read it if you already have.

The gentle hum of the surf

a lullaby to my tired soul

which longs to be held close, and soothed

and when the world of man is too much

and the grating noises

and the cement masses

and the roads crowded with anger and frustration

bear down upon me

this is where I want to be

where the ocean hums her lullaby

and rubs the tired earth's brow until she sleeps

and then quietly retreats.

Of course this doesn't bring into play the crowded drive down there or the restaurants or shopping, or the laughing or fun, but still it sounds SO nice. I want a beach like that! :)

Day 33... slacker update

2009-09-17T12:07:00.004-04:00

So, I am falling down on the job! On every job, except running. Haven't read my Bible daily, haven't blogged to keep myself accountable, AND had two glorious cooking-baking days. :) You know what that means. Although I feel I showed incredible restraint. These were three spectacular batches of cookies. Peanut butter chip (thankfully it was small and everyone loved them, so I didn't feel like I could eat a lot of them), molasses crinkle (yum! Old fashioned joy in the shape of a cookie), and the best batch of frosted sugar cookies EVER. I really need a name for those. Sugar cookies just does not describe them at all. Any ideas will be considered.

I have been running my little heart out. Two days I actually went twice... remember, I said I get extra points if I ever exercise twice?? Well, I gave myself extra points. :) Yesterday I think I went six miles. I'm not certain, because at the usual halfway point for four and a half miles I turned right instead of left, and went into a neighborhood I hadn't run in before, and haven't measured. I ended up on this loop and nearly did it twice before I realized what I was doing... if you have ever been to Water Country, you probably remember an attraction called Hubba Bubba Highway. You get in, either with or without a large innertube, and the current pulls you around a big circular path. It's fun and relaxing, not fast, but the current is strong. It's a popular attraction, and can get crowded (hence the "highway" part!) and when you want to get out you really have to be prepared for it. If you miss the exit area or someone's in your way or the current is too strong and you simply can't get over...well, you go a few more times around than you intended. This is how I felt for a moment yesterday... Hubba Bubba Holly. Stuck on an unfamiliar loop. It was an exhausting run. I don't know why, but it really wiped me out. I wanted to quit several times but kept thinking that I'd have to write that in my blog then! So I plodded on. I kept thinking that if I hadn't caught myself I could have been stuck there a while. Kind of like in REAL life...when I am not paying attention I can really get stuck somewhere I don't want to be, and it can take so much work to dig myself out.

Six pounds. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless. My Bible reading... I will catch up today! And get back on track. I will need to find a better system for that. Today.

Day 33, wow. I really need to focus. There are not even six weeks left until the wedding and I am not near my goal. (although- I think I am doing pretty well in the fight against LIMFAC's in general!!) I am really looking forward to my beach weekend. I have found several lovely beach quotes and poems, but not nearly as many as I expected to find. I keep posting them on my friends' facebook pages, or mine. My little way of saying, "Yay! I am excited!" I imagine my friends are rather tired of it but until they say something I will keep doing it. :) I have developed this year a real love of poetry, and I love Googling little bits and pieces of poems or famous quotes. Probably driving everyone except myself nuts.

"Who is he, this King of glory?" Psalm 24:10a

2009-09-14T12:42:00.003-04:00

I am not sure about the "blogger etiquette" of this, but today, instead of reading my spot, would you please read thise one, if you haven't already? I really needed to read it today. It's beautiful, and human... tragic, and so sweet, to see God using frailty and weakness and loss to show this woman determination, strength, and life. Read to the end of the entry. Click on the title above to take you to meet Gloria, Sept 11th entry. I can't imagine anything I could ever say will touch you more.

The Butterfly Project

2009-09-12T10:17:00.004-04:00

I am a member of Swap-bot...it's a group where you mail each other things... it sounds lame but is really fun. It might be tea bags, or bookmarks you've made, or books, or things you paint, or...well, it can be anything. In a recent listing of swaps something caught my eye. It was a butterfly swap. It required each participant to make one 2D butterfly of artistic choice and mail it to the Butterfly Project in Houston (instead of to each other). I was intrigued, so I went to the Houston site. It is the Holocaust Museum in Houston. The Butterfly Project is named for a poem written by Pavel Friedmann, one of the young people at Terezin Concentration Camp.

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The last, the very last
So richly, brightly, dazzlingly yellow.
Perhaps if the sun's tears would sing
against a white stone...
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Such, such a yellow
Is carried lightly 'way up high
It went away I'm sure
because it wished
to kiss the world good-bye.
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For seven weeks I've lived in here,
Penned up inside this ghetto.
But I have found what I love here.
The dandelions call to me
And the white chestnut branches in the court.
Only I never saw another butterfly.
.
That butterfly was the last one.
Butterflies don't live in here, in the ghetto.
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It is one in a collection of poems and drawings done by the young people in the Terezin concentration camp 1942-1944 on display in Houston.

1,500,000 children died in the Holocaust. The museum in Houston is trying to collect a million and a half handmade butterflies before June 30, 2011 as a way to remember and honor them, with an exhibition scheduled to open in Sping 1012. Butterflies must be less than 8"x10", of any 2D medium, with no glitter or food products (such as dried macaroni or rice).

I think it is a beautiful tribute. I hope they collect so many butterflies that they can barely fathom how to display them all. If you click on the title of this post, The Butterfly Project, it will take you directly to the Holocaust Museum's Butterfly page.

Day 27 (still)...update

2009-09-11T11:18:00.004-04:00

Oh no...day 27 already? And I have only lost 5 pounds?? This is crazy. Anyway, that's not what I wanted to post. Here's what I wanted to post, re the previous post:
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18 windows, 5 near-victories for the spiders (resulting ultimately in defeat, however), 1 complete roll of paper towels (I used the last one on the last part of the last window), 1 complete bottle of "All-natural Veggie Wash" (should I be afraid to use this on my veggies, now that I have seen what it does to my ants and spiders??), one shoe, not too much worse off, and one flyswatter, totally unused (moral support only, apparently)...and I am done. With the downstairs. If someone will bring me another roll of Viva I will start upstairs, otherwise, I'm going to go take a victory bubble bath. :)

Spiders?? Day...whatever. I'll count them up later. :)

2009-09-11T09:39:00.004-04:00

That's right...today's LIMFAC is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Spider. Experts agree that generally speaking, we are all within a few yards of a spider most of the time, and frequently considerably closer than that to LOTS of them. Today it is finally cooler outside than inside, so I am facing my fear...this has been a particularly good time for Chesapeake's spiders, I guess, since every window seems to have this funnel-type web with a nice big healthy arachnid in it. I have avoided opening the windows at all for a while, but finally realized it was a ridiculous fear. What's the spider's plan for me? So armed with a shoe, a fly swatter, a roll of paper towels (I prefer Viva...) and a bottle of some type of citrus-y fruit wash, I attacked. Yes, fruit and vegetable wash. It smells good, and I know ants hate it. I was hoping spiders did, too. Since that or Lysol are my only choices.

By the way it turns out that fruit wash will clean the windows, too, and smells like oranges. Mmm. Good to know, huh? I am full of useful tidbits like that. And... I am still alive (though only finished with a quarter of the downstairs windows) and was so happy to be killing my LIMFAC without spiders jumping all over me that I thought I'd post quickly. And guess what? Some of them are already dead... it was, in part, an imagined LIMFAC! I had made it out to be much worse than it was.

I have also already run five miles this morning. (Yay! To the school and back... this cool weather is elevating my speeds a notch. Now instead of slower-than-my-walk I'm sure it must be only as-slow-as. And today I ran faster than that, so hooray for me. ) I was thanking God for my Emerald stretch of the run, so cool and green and shady. It was wonderful, even with one side littered with orange cones and utility workers. Does that mean they are going to start cutting down my shady trees and spitting out houses?? I hope not, but I didn't stop to ask. I'd rather remain oblivious a while longer, if that's the case.

I wrote this last night, thinking about those bright red leaves my friend posted on his facebook wall. It seems so early. I am ready for cooler temperatures. (And by Spring I will be ready for open windows and warm sunny days! Change is nice sometimes.)

The eloquent language

in which the leaves speak in September,

the secrets of color and hue,

a spirited pattern of gold, bronze, and copper,

and cranberry crimson, or a bright scarlet fire,

paints a lovelier more honeyed sweet alleluia

than any dear saint ever drew.

This time we listen with eyes open wide

and let them inspire us,

as boldly they live out each hour,

vividly spending their last days in laughter.

Listen, and we can hear music in this splendid riot of color,

a giddy goodnight to the world that we will remember long after they fall.

Such intense voices they speak in that whispering quiet,

where all sound is color

and all color speaks with a power that can't help but enthrall.

I am ready for fiery colors along the highways!!

This weekend is disappointing for me, but next weekend I will be with some of my high school friends at the beach. I don't know if ladies should be allowed to spend a weekend together after 25 years... we get kind of silly. Okay, it's actually me. Not them. But it is so nice to be together again. I am looking forward to it, ladies!!! (But you have to help me with the whole LIMFAC thing!) And now...off to battle my spiders, and my limiting factors.

"How beautifully the leaves grow old..."

2009-09-09T22:55:00.003-04:00

John Burroughs wrote those words. I think they are lovely. "How beautifully the leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days." To grow old beautifully like a leaf! A flash of brilliance in their last season. This time of year I am looking at leaves, and longing to be somewhere cool and crisp and russet colored... Sometimes I want to turn a brilliant hue myself and flutter to the earth and lie waiting on the ground, tossed around gently on a breeze... just waiting.

I enjoyed Burroughs' words so much, that I googled him to find some other lovely little bits of his. He wrote primarily about nature, but I found several intersting statements that apply to my LIMFAC battle as well.

"The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention." Ha! what a simple statement. I need to commit it to memory. Actually, I HAVE committed it to memory, in a shortened form, and so have you, I'll wager. A phrase taken up and taught to me by Nike... "Just do it." I like Burroughs' version better, but I am more likely to remember Nike's! Their's is memorable, his is convincing.

"A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did." True. And cute. I had to read it twice. And slowly. Rather pathetic, isn't that?

He also said, "Rise above the little things." Perfectly sensible advice, but I have trouble knowing which are the little things. It's so obvious when I look at other people, but in my own life...well my goodness, everything's major, naturally. I suppose that's a Limiting Factor for me, in a sense. I let minor things pretend to be major... color my outlook as if they were brilliant autumn leaves crowding my dull branches. (just trying to tie things together here!) No, there is no cohesion today, just rambling. (I should at least mention that I ran this morning, then scrubbed and scoured for hours with Katie in her beautiful new apartment. And made good eating choices...right up until I grabbed the Cheez-its before I sat down here...naughty. Out of control. And... Oops! Still need to read my chapter of Proverbs!! Good grief! And I thought I was doing well :)

I'm in a bit of a funk this evening. Blah. Drag me out, one of you, will you please? Although the word (funk) made me smile ... it simply seems so uncomfortable with itself. I looked it up because... well, just because I am weird and like looking words up. And what came up associated with it was funny...to me... "person afraid to try something." Ha! Well, there I am. Or there I was... I'm getting better. Slightly despondent but dragging a lighter load of LIMFACs, if only slightly lighter. Maybe the changing leaves will perk me up?

FREE snail mail card today only!!!

2009-09-08T14:46:00.002-04:00

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Go to cardstore.com and personalize a snail mail card from their hope collection today, to mail anywhere in the world!! You can choose to include a photo as well. They will print it, address the envelope, stamp, and mail it. Use code SENDHOPE at checkout.

Happy printing!!

Random!

2009-09-07T14:28:00.005-04:00

I found a fun site today, thanks to someone else's blog... http://www.tipnut.com/. Ever heard of it? They have, among other things, directions for making your own laundry detergent! And it's just mixing a couple of things together. I was told one of the dry recipes works great...if I decide to try it I will definitely let you know. We have that HE type of washer and I am wondering if it will be okay in there? She said she made enough soap to last her nearly a year for $7, and it works great on her clothes, especially whites.

Also, have another thought for you. This one is from Demetri Martin. It relates to totally NOTHING about my LIMFACs, but it IS something I have long believed. So here, for you to ponder on this holiday weekend:

"I like rock, paper, scissors--two thirds. Rock breaks scissors: These scissors are bent, they're destroyed, I can't cut stuff--I lose. Scissor cuts paper: This is strips, this is not even paper, this can take me forever to put this back together--you got me. Paper covers rock: Rock is fine, no structural damage to rock. Rock can even break through paper at any point, just say the word. Paper sucks. It should be rock, dynamite with a cuttable wick, scissors."

How very true. I agree... get rid of paper. Never thought that made much sense. I think perhaps we should start a rock, dynamite-with-a-cuttable-wick, scissors grass roots movement. Anybody? Today's generation will follow, and tomorrow's will not have to contemplate the stupid paper thing.

Remember this today, as you mull over the pending rock-paper-scissors change. :) ... To fail is not always failure. FAILURE can be a SUCCESS. Definitely. If I try to jog 10 miles tomorrow and fail, I have attempted something I once would not have attempted. And in the process I will jog further than if I had attempted only 3.

I challenge you to try something this week at which you might fail. And if you fail, try it again. ... remember, the fear will die, and who knows...you may actually succeed. After all, even if you fail, you have succeeded! My challenge is to DO, not just to do SUCCESSFULLY.

And then tell me what you tried!!

And now...we are off to Longwood. Again. :)

(PS:I heard something tonight that I should have added earlier.... Sometimes we have to prepare for something...like the ten mile run. So, I don't mean just take some huge stupid risk! But take step one TOWARDS the risk, and maybe it isn't such a risk after all. A one year old is taking a risk when she takes her first step, but she is developmentally ready for that step. The risk is that she might fall... and she might. She might FAIL, but success will follow soon after, we all know that. So her failure, if she tries again, will teach her, and lead to her success! :)

Day 22... "every day surmount a fear"

2009-09-06T22:04:00.008-04:00

Five pounds total...in three weeks. Not cosmic, but still it's definite movement in the right direction. Plus last week I sort of...skipped :) So...over the next six weeks I OUGHT to be able to run off another ten pounds... right? Looking forward to this week, even to my now-daily run! That feels good. It has been a long time since I actually looked forward to my run. And this more temperate weather is certainly helping!

Yesterday's quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson was so intense I will repeat it. "Do that which you fear to do, and the fear will die." I really like that statement, because I know it to be true. I guess he had experience with this idea because he also said, "Always do what you are afraid to do." That's kind of frightening in itself! (He also said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." But we are ignoring that one. Sorry, RW) Today's thought goes right along with it. I had no idea I enjoyed Emerson so much, but I really do. You can find all kinds of little sparklers from him!

"He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear." Maybe it's taking the risk of telling someone you care about them? Or riding a roller coaster? (which, by the way, I am finally not (TOO) afraid to do! Invite me!) Piercing an ear? Running at night? Maybe it's writing a book, or starting a business, or trying a new food, or going to a movie alone, or going on a trip... seems like there are a thousand little stupid fears, but when I attempt one, it loses all of its power. I like that! Try it yourself. You know you want to be free of one of those stupid niggling little LIMFACs. Just a little one? Make a list... and choose the simplest first. That's what I did.

I'm googling comedians right now. No reason. Just am. Here's what I am coming up with...

Mike Birbiglia, about his girlfriend (this one mentions fear, so I am considering it appropriate and barely off track at all):"We worried about different things. One day I was like, "What do you fear the most?" And she was like, "I fear you'll meet someone else, and you'll leave me, and I'll be alone." And she was like, "What do you fear the most?" And I was like, "Bears."

Not that I think he is really worthy of quoting, but he also has this one, and it makes me happy that someone else in the world possibly has a similar aptitude as I have for dancing (Oh, no! I hope I don't start considering my dancing a LIMFAC! Crap...I can feel it starting! This is one I DON'T want to approach. --Oh why did I just say that???) "I went to a dance club the other day, which was timely because my self-esteem had been hovering around normal, and I'd been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000." Yep, that's me! Good grief. Fine, I will tackle it. But not tonight, okay? Soon.

Today's LIMFAC is brought to you by the letter "F" (for fear!)

2009-09-05T21:16:00.002-04:00

Tonight I headed up to the gym...but when I got there they had already closed. By 8 PM? Oh well... I drove back home in a worse mood than when I left, which is REALLY saying something, and plopped my miserable self down at the table with the family. Six inches in front of me was the platter of huge thick tender melt-in-your-mouth steaks Mark had grilled, and the sweet potato fries I had made for them... they sound awful but are wonderfully declaratively good; declaratively, as in "!!!!!"; and the fruit salad that was so sweet and juicy, with fresh pineapple and...wait, I digress... they were eating dinner. I said I'd eat something when I got back from my run.

Here is the turning point of my evening...Mark asked which way I was going to go. There's only one way I ever have gone at night, and I think he knows that. He clarified for me, "I just mean, you aren't taking Emerald, right? You are afraid of Emerald at night." I thought about that. Of course I was not taking Emerald; I never take Emerald at night, even though it's my favorite part of the run during the day. It's got this loneliness that makes my heart thrill. It's a lonely that's beautiful... any rural dweller would just see a third of a mile with thick trees on each side, no houses or driveways or lights... but homes and roads and humanity at each end. No big deal. But to someone stuck in a city, it's my little patch of quiet. And plenty of shade. A runner's delight.

But once he said "You are afraid of it," that pretty much sealed it for me. My thought immediately following "Of course not," was "Crap. Now I have to." So I did. And I WAS afraid... I don't know why. Just, afraid of the dark, in general, like a child. And please don't think it was dangerous. The problem is, I think I am still afraid. So did I beat it? Hmmm. Not yet.

It goes back to the ear piercing. At sixteen I got my ears pierced, and it was not a good experience! As an adult I wanted to get one more hole pierced in my left ear, sort of a Christian symbolism at the time, but I was too afraid. I once walked the mall for five hours before I got up the courage to go into the place to have it pierced. My heart was pounding, my stomach ached... I approached the counter and the girl that spoke to me had piercings EVERYWHERE. I ran out of there. It was funny, but pathetic. That was years and years ago...and since then every time I even thought about it I started to feel sick! When Katie and Sarah decided to get their ears pierced a couple of years ago I did mine with them. (Sarah went first though!) And... it was easy! It didn't even hurt! Much. But here's the thing. I was still afraid of it. Finally, this summer, in the company of two brave friends, I got a third hole pierced in my left ear and guess what...I am not afraid of it any more!! I could pierce anything, anywhere, and not be afraid of it. Kind of ironic... now I CAN pierce anything, and won't let myself because I am not afraid to, so don't need to. Ha! The point is, I didn't want to be afraid of something stupid, and my earring, as dumb as that sounds, proves to me every day that I can overcome a stupid fear.

I did the run tonight. And it was a good workout. But I am still a little afraid of it. I think it was my first ear piercing... I still need another run or two before I can say I have completely beaten it. (I was the same way with roller coasters, too)

Had I read Ralph Waldo Emerson years ago, I wonder if I would have even listened when he said, "Do that which you fear to do, and the fear will die." I'm listening now.

Deep fried inspiration

2009-09-04T10:22:00.003-04:00

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"The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves."

Because I can always do more than I think we can. Always. I might not be able to do more than you, but I CAN do more than ME. Sadly I have fallen behind in my Bible reading AND I don't think I am losing weight! (My henna looks wild and fun, though! At least that makes me smile.) But I am back on track today. It's not so bad if I fall a day behind...it's when I don't notice for MONTHS. Then there's a problem. :) So...a helpful reminder for myself. Outdo myself. Surprise myself. Inspire myself.

Off to Longwood to pick up Sarah for the weekend. That lucky girl. She has no idea what a spectacular mom she has. ;-)

I really want a deep fried twinkie. AND a deep fried Snickers bar. I am SO glad there aren't any around here. I've never tried one, but I have tried fried Oreos.... bathed in a sweet doughnut type batter, fried to perfection (and these were college boys frying them, outside, at a booth...it's not like they were being careful and particular...these suckers were meant to be created)...mmmm. It was scrumpscious. More than a cookie... an experience. Katie just reminded me that we own a fryer...you know what??? When I actually lose fifteen pounds I am making one. Maybe both. Definitely both. Yep, that's my plan. Maybe now I can stop thinking about them.

Day 19 already? I gotta' stop messing around!!!

2009-09-03T10:05:00.004-04:00

Okay...my run. If I told you how long it took me you'd say it could hardly be called a run...my jog, then ? Barely that, even. At any rate, I like to share my cerebration ...my cognitive reasoning, I mean, not my party :)... as I figure how far to jog. The weather was nearly perfect. And I had the time. I decided I could do three miles today, then really kick it up the last mile or so (meaning: or LESS) and tell you guys how hard I ran that last bit. :) Then I thought, I really should do four miles, though. Forget the faster stuff. I can save that for intervals on the treadmill, when I am not worried about making it home! So four miles it was. But as I headed across the overpass I realized I needed to continue on to the boys' school. Five miles.

I want this part to be clear. I wanted to run four miles. I wasn't looking forward to it, I didn't want the actual run. I just wanted to be able to tell you that I had finished four miles, when three was sufficient. I wanted to tell you I had made it across the overpass and back. I really really really sincerely did not want to go beyond the overpass. I wanted to stick with four miles, if indeed I had to go that far. And I only wanted to do the four so I could write about it here and give myself a congratulatory pat on the back...Is this very clear? I did not WANT to do five. Which led me to the decision to go to the school. Five miles.

So I am thinking, if any of you have something you know you should do, but you just don't WANT to do, feel free to e-mail me and tell me about it, after you do it anyway. I promise to give you the appropriate kudos! Sometimes that little bit of cheer is all you need to get up and do it. Everyone needs to be told how great they did... whether you are doing it yourself (which I apparently am quite content to do!) or someone else is doing it for you.(which I am happy to do as well, for YOU!)

My knees didn't rebel until nearly the end of the run and it wasn't a true rebellion. They were willing to continue. They just griped the tiniest bit. I will add however that every muscle and tendon associated in any way with them (which is every muscle and tendon I have, if you think about it!)- all of them asked me very kindly to please please PLEASE stop at 5 miles. Don't try 6. See, I was thinking that I was so tired I couldn't possibly do 6. Which led me to begin thinking of COURSE I can do 6. I can probably do 8, I just don't want to. How far CAN I go? How can I ever say I CAN'T? Honestly, I hope I never have to learn how far it is that I actually CAN'T run before I drop!! And here's the quote..."Anything unattempted remains impossible." Good one, huh?

The hardest part of the run for me is the next to the last quarter mile. The first mile is head-hard. I have to convince myself to get through it. And the overpass is insane-killer-hard. But I have not recognized its authority over me. As I head up its nasty little slope I tell it repeatedly "I do not recognize your authority to whup me." (That word looks odd there, but I looked it up. That's the southern variation of whip, and definitely the one I want. In case you are northern :) And the final quarter mile I love...because I can see my house, and because I go full steam as fast as I absolutely can, which feels wonderful. Briefly. And now that I think about, it's probably more like a tenth of a mile, also making it the best quarter mile ever!! But that next to the last quarter mile...ugh. It's kind of uphill. And not shady, and the only thing interesting there is a bamboo forest growing in a ditch (?) that I kind of love... so here on this next to the last quarter mile my whole body said PLEASE don't try six. And you know, sometimes you gotta' let the little guy win, right? So, considering my muscles and tendons and various other pieces "the little guy" and my brain the leader, I gave in to their request. And I can tell you right now all my muscles and tendons and various other pieces are laughing in a painful achey sort of way at, not with, my brain and whether it is at all in charge.

Who will win...me, or the Crunch n Munch??

2009-09-03T00:07:00.009-04:00

Hmmm...past midnight and no report from me yet! Grr. Well, nothing much to report. Not a stellar day, but nothing to complain about. No major victories, but no real damage either. I need to step things up a bit if I am going to be a size smaller before I buy my outfit for Katie's wedding! I think the Crunch n Munch is becoming a major hindrance. The bird and I both love it too much. She, however, only eats one piece a day. I eat the rest!! Okay, I am convicted. I'll work on it.

Today I got nearly all of Katie's invitations addressed, AND confirmed the restaurant for the reception. A meeting, not a phone call, so I feel I can legitimately claim it as an accomplishment. Reception will be at Espeto na Brasa, a cool Brazilian steak house in downtown Nofolk. It will be an excellent meal! I wish I could invite everyone I want, but space -and finances!- limit me. But really, space. Stinks. If you don't get an invitation it might not be personal...it might be that after both families and wedding parties are invited, there are thirty spots left for all college friends, high school friends, colleagues, etc etc etc, (it's after midnight, give me a break...I am running out of phrases here)... and my own friends (who actually aren't invited, but oh well :)

Katie needs a job. Honor grad, three degrees, honest, hard worker, cute, quirky, short... anybody??

I found out I have READERS who are not FOLLOWERS. :D That means, Kat, that it's really MORE than ten. Oops! More than ELEVEN. Ooh, I am practically GLOBAL now. I'll have to try to think up something more interesting. I was thinking about having my nose pierced but the idea kind of grossed Mark out. I don't know if that is really the type of "interesting" I need, anyway. Although today I liberally henna'd myself. And Katie. What fun!!!

My quote for the evening...oh, you know I love the quotes! This one relates to nothing. No, maybe it relates to the henna, a bit? Anyway, for good or for bad, here it is:

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting." ee cummings

Not entirely sure I agree with his use of the superlative there but I like to remember the idea. And I enjoy the way he phrases things! Tomorrow...I run!

Winning the skirmish, with a little help from a friend

2009-09-01T14:46:00.005-04:00

Seriously?? After all that talk about accountability, I didn't post yesterday?? And I didn't even realize it...well, I can tell you what happened...

I spent yesterday organizing a bunch of things Sarah left behind. (Like vultures the boys are circling the girls' rooms... Sarah had already suggested a room change occur upon her departure, and within a month or two Katie will have her things moved out...two boys, two rooms, see a trend?) Seth has already moved into Sarah's room, so...OrganizingMom to the rescue! Cape across my shoulders, and clear plastic storage boxes in tow, I tackled Sarah's 18 years of memories, careful not to crush any. I worked hard all day, and skipped exercising because of it. (And because it was hot and rainy out.)

I decided a hard (short) jog would actually feel nice...it's been a while since I actually felt that way! Getting to the gym before dinner, I saw every treadmill was occupied. Honestly, there must be fifty in various rooms, and all were full. Even the machines I don't like were full. I guess being such a rainy day, everyone had the same idea. I figured if I came back around 8 or 9 it would be better. (After all, what idiot besides me wants to still be exercising at 10 PM??) And deep down I knew, if I didn't make it back, who could blame me? I had tried...

It was still raining after dinner, and it had been the boys' first day back at school. I wanted to be sure they finished everything they needed to do to be ready for the morning RUSH. But as I contemplated not going back to the gym, I thought about a friend... who, promising to walk this weekend, actually followed through, AND told me about it. And I thought, if my friends are making the time, I can, too. Especially since I am the one who has made the commitment to continue these habits for ten weeks!! And I wimp out as often as not. So back up I went. After 9. And I ran. A treadmill's advantage- and disadvantage!- the speed display. There's no hoping I am going faster than it feels. So last night I pumped it way up (for me) my only goal being DON'T fly off the back of the machine!! No George Jetson maneuvers, please. I slowed it down, I sped it up, I walked, I jogged, I ran...until I was totally whipped. But I made sure I ran as fast as I could as long as I could before I slowed it down... and I beat my fastest speed there so far. By a lot. I came home feeling really proud of myself. But this...THIS is not the skirmish I won.

It was a "today" skirmish to which I referred. Yesterday is ancient history the way my brain works. And today...well, today is a totally completely gorgeous pre-Autumn day! Cool and breezy and beautiful...so I jogged (at my slower-than-my-walk pace); the weather and my skin conversed and decided I should go as far as possible...my knee argued considerably but had to admit defeat when all the other pieces and parts felt and smelled and saw how lovely it was outside...after my excellent short but fast run last night, I felt inspired to try further today. So, five miles seemed accomplishable. Up across the overpass (a typical LIMFAC for me), to my kids' school- without being seen by my kids, naturally- and back. But I went even one better... I added a mile at the end; yes, 6 miles. But let's please call it 31,680 feet. Because 6 miles is not that much more than 5 miles, or even 3 miles. But 31,680 feet is a heck of a lot more than 15,840 feet. It did not feel like one unit more than five miles, or three units more than three miles. But it DID feel like 15,840 units more. Oh yes, it certainly did. Actually it felt like fifteen thousand eight hundred and forty more units, which looks like even more in my opinion. And it was all because my friend walked yesterday.

So here is our quote for the day..."Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." Dr. Leo Buscaglia was an author and professor who, moved by a student's suicide, began a non-credit class titled simple Love1A. From that lecture he started a whole movement of "caring". It's interesting stuff, his life. One person can affect so many. He certainly did. I wanted to adapt the quote a bit, until I read about him. :) So we will stick with it. It's perfect the way it is.

It is rather broad and life altering as it stands, however, for my purposes in today's blog... so on a smaller level this is what has been my observation... One person, through any one act or attitude, can influence and move people every single day and never see the result. My friend wouldn't have guessed I would be inspired to break a distance barrier for myself (read that: LIMFAC) because of that walk. There are lots of ways we inspire and encourage each other every day, sometimes just in the way we live. This, I thought, was something worth repeating, even though we all know it. Our lives, big or small, our actions, global or local, affect people.

And now...I REALLY need new shoes.

Day 15...The wisdom of Pooh...

2009-08-30T22:10:00.002-04:00

I have done pretty well today, but tomorrow will be even better. I exercised, etc... nothing spectacular, but fine. I think getting back into a routine will be good. I hate sending the kids back to school. But this has been a particularly boring summer for Seth, anyway, and I'm ready to get back to work on things I have let slide.

I haven't read my Bible yet, so my inspiration will have to be Pooh. I just finished one of those amazingly vapid Facebook quizzes, written by 15 year olds with no life experience and a severe lack of training in the area of grammar and spelling. This, Katie would tell me, is one of the many reasons the Facebook world should be limited to college students. This particular quiz was supposed expose, based on something like 6 questions, which Winnie the Pooh character I am most like. And how can you go wrong with a Pooh Bear quiz?? It determined that I am most like (drumroll, please).... Pooh. (I love being the protagonist! AND cute and cuddly...) To really get into the proper spirit of the thing, I looked up some of my favorite Pooh quotes...

This one kind of summarizes ME:

"" I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit."No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way." "

Does that happen to normal people? Things make so much sense when I begin them and look so ridiculous once I am fully involved, even to me. Or it will SEEM like it makes sense until someone points out to me why it doesn't. Oh well...I suppose that is from not being able to look ahead well.

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing, " said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you.""

Now, first, I must point out that there are few passages I have read where sidling sounds as pleasant and enjoyable. Generally, I don't want to be considered a sidler. But Piglet sidling up to Pooh really is a sweet image. I can relate to Piglet here (even though I am supposed to be Pooh.) I need considerable reassurance, about EVERYTHING. Drives Mark crazy. I pretty regularly sidle up behind Mark and do the same thing, figuratively if not literally. I do it to my friends, sometimes, too. Or if I don't do it, I want to. I guess I AM a sidler. Too bad sidling doesn't burn more calories!!

""I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh. "I wish I were there to be doing it, too.""

Definitely!! The What is so much less important than the Who. I think this ALL the time. But not about Piglet. :) Replace the name "Piglet" with one of several others and there you have a window into my brain at times. It's scary isn't it? I really AM a bear of very little brain.

"Poetry and hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you."

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I think this is rather a picturesque and romantic notion, with which I fully agree.

"When having a smackerel of something with a friend, don't eat so much that you get stuck in the doorway trying to get out." Sage advice on any day, and quite applicable to part of my LIMFAC rebellion, huh? This one obviously completes the thought, "A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise." Hmm. No comment there.

Day 14 In life there are no do-overs...but I'm calling one anyway!

2009-08-29T23:56:00.002-04:00

Okay, sorry I haven't posted. In truth, I thought perhaps posting daily was just plain TOO often for you guys... but here's what happens if I don't post daily... I don't hold myself accountable. I skip things! I was NOT good this week. I skipped one day of Bible reading (although I made it up, I also rushed it!), I missed 3 days of exercise. Some of the days I worked harder, and today I went out twice (extra points for that, remember???!!!), but my overall time and energy spent exercising was less than last week. I was not focused on my goals. My weight stayed the same. (that was just by the grace of God, though. I have a feeling if I weigh tomorrow morning it will be up from today! We went to visit Sarah today at Longwood and while I promised myself I would be extra self-controlled with my eating, I totally lied!!! Maybe it wasn't a lie, maybe I just misunderstood myself? Maybe I really MEANT that I would eat whatever struck my fancy? I hate to think I can't trust myself... )

Talking about eating, let's discuss my eating this week...well, no, let's just consider that portion of my week "less than stellar". That's a nice sugar coated term. :) So week one was great, week two was a bomb. Not THE bomb, that's different. "A" bomb. Week three: I decided, just this minute, that over this ten week period I should allow myself one Do-Over week. And this it it. I CALL A DO-OVER. Now it's official.

So I start week three with a self proclaimed clean slate! I will write daily, and get back into week one mode. :)

Poor Sarah, going away to college for the first time ever is a difficult adjustment. She's doing really well, and loves the school. But all those changes at once are hard!!! "When the world says, "Give up," hope whispers "Try it one more time." I know she will be able to keep that idea behind all of her decisions the next few weeks, and I will also keep remembering that.

As I stepped outside tonight for my walk, I sat on my front step for just a moment and saw, as I always see, one spot on my brick step that has a hole in the mortar, and even part of the brick. It's a place where rain drips slowly from the roof after each rainfall, one drop at a time, because there is no raingutter there. I never mind seeing it. Actually I kind of strangely enjoy watching it grow. Slowly. Over time. Its augmentation marks, for me, how long we have lived in this house. I am always amazed at this visible proof of the strength of water. It's kind of like a science project right outside my door! But today as I looked at it I thought "We should repair that sometime." Ok, I was a little crabby, just for a moment. (We are not terribly big into repairs. And some things just aren't important enough to worry about!) I walked on and didn't think about it any more.

Until I was looking something up and stumbled across this statement made by Lucretius, a Roman poet and philosopher, "The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence, but by oft falling." Wow...I love that! I applied it, rather erringly but sincerely (and subjectively), to my current week, to my LIMFAC rebellion, and to Sarah's college career. Each minimal advance Sarah makes, each French assignment she finishes, each page she reads, each meal she purchases, each friend she discovers, and each decision she makes gets her just a drop of rain closer to her goal of graduating with her degrees.

And each step I take on my walk or my jog, each LIMFAC I vanquish, each goal I meet, each bite of food I plan out, each one progresses me one drop closer to my goals, as well. Whether my goal is twenty pounds, or more developed self-discpline, or global domination (which, sadly, it isn't-my life is not that interesting), one drop at a time will always do it. I might not see the changes daily, but over time they are so very obvious. I like that Lucretius guy.

Won the battle, but the war goes on...Day 12

2009-08-27T12:16:00.006-04:00

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So...I did not die Tuesday night! No spiders, either. Within my view, anyway. I knew you would all be relieved to hear the news.
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Today, however, there was a mighty skirmish which could have been the beginning of the end for the LIMFAC Rebellion. (Although, honestly, I believe any skirmish lost could bring about the end of the rebellion.) It began when I was in the first half mile of my jog (-the most dangerous part of any run, emotionally!! If I can get through mile one, I can move on!) I was deciding how far to run, so I could figure how fast to pace myself. That's particularly funny because my paces are slow, agonizingly slow, and slower-than-my-walk slow. At any rate, were I to choose "slow" I'd run out of steam pretty quickly, and want to be closer to home, but at "agonizingly slow" I can last longer. I decided I'd do 2 miles ("slow"), because I didn't feel I could go further today. I was pretty content with this decision, too, until this little interior person poked me in the conscience and said "Don't feel you CAN do it?? As in, physically unable?? You are LIMFAC-ing your run?? And this is okay??" Stupid little person. Yes, I had to agree with myself, that is definitely a self-imposed limit. If I can do 2 miles, I can do 3, or 4, or 5. Sagely (in my opinion) I chose 4, and not 5...which was better than the three I had left the house planning to do, and considerably better than the two I had decided were my physical limit.

Here's where the battle began. My body rebelled. Not my whole body, mind you, just my knee, but it was frightening how quickly the rest of my body parts followed...they were so easily led by any foolish excuse! "We" were about a third of the way through the run, when my knee started whining, and rudely informed me that it would be dropping out of the run soon. The rest of us could carry on, but it was not going the full 4 miles. Then so much of my body joined in...my foot had a blister, my arms were just tired, my legs agreed with my knee, let's shorten this jog...and my conscious decision making mind...oh foolish mind...I won't tell you how complete this revolt was becoming (how easily they all turned against me! And in only a matter of minutes!) Finally I firmly told my knee to suck it up, we weren't stopping. If we had to limp along dragging it behind we would, but one way or another we would continue at this (now slower-than-my-walk) pace.

And guess what? My knee fell for the bluff. And the rest of my body started towing the line as well. As I forged my run (and I think forging is an apt term here....as I was moving through hot molten steel desires to WALK home...) I ended up having to "trick" my mind and body into the 4 miles, by running a few circuitous loops in the middle which I don't normally include, instead of adding a mile at the end...and I let myself do the shady half mile twice as a reward! Does it seem a little scary to you that, while being fully aware of what I am doing, and more or less in complete control of my faculties, my conscious mind could trick my subconscious and my body into believing what I want it to believe? Seems weird to me, but whatever it takes.

So this particular rebellion was quelled, and like a precision sniper I took out that LIMFAC when it raised its head...but I know tomorrow it will try to sneak back in, again. It dies, and is reborn, daily, like some freaky alien from a B movie. I'm okay with my life being a B movie, though. At least I can read the subtitles. And if I can keep killing that LIMFAC, it won't have an opportunity to grow any bigger!

I think it was writer David Gerrold (who, by the way, during college wrote the Star Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles! My favorite episode:) who put it so nicely..."Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show." So go ahead B movie, make it interesting. I will be eating popcorn and throwing Reeses Pieces at the people in front of me. :)

Day 10...cookies...and men.

2009-08-26T00:35:00.005-04:00

COOKIES!!! My best batch ever, I think. And that's all that needs to be said about THAT. I am confessing nothing. But they were good. (I was actually quite self-disciplined with them)

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Today:
Read Bible: yes

Exercised: Yes. Sort of. Spent time swimming with Seth (my 13 year old) We swam hard. For us. I actually don't swim...but both feet were off the floor of the pool continuously, and my arms and legs were all moving, I was working hard enough that my breathing was harder, I was not drowning, and I repeatedly got from one end of the pool to the other. I'm counting it.

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Blogged: Here I am.
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Controlled eating: Hmmm. In this area I needed to be stronger. I admit it. I see this as a break even week. Back on the wagon. I promise.

We got Katie's wedding flowers all taken care of. Yay! Well...that's ONE thing down, anyway. Now we have a dress, church, cake, and flowers. I wish the flower lady could take care of the whole wedding. She was more than competent.

Off to bed. Mark is out of town so I will probably be murdered in my sleep tonight. If I don't blog tomorrow you will know what happened; I died. Morbid, I know. Or a mouse will run across my floor. Or a huge spider will be in my room. One of those three...do any of you worry about weird things when your spouse is away? I am a wimp. I like to have someone else responsible and in charge. Not good. LIMFACs everywhere.

I will put the dogs in and out, I will feed all the pets, read stories, tuck youngsters in, bring cups of (kitchen) water...do laundry at midnight for a child who forgot they need that piece of clothing TOMORROW MORNING, make midnight cookies for a child that suddenly remembers it's his turn to bring the snack, run to the grocery store for midnight eggs for the midnight cookies, help with an assignment that is due in three hours and needs three more days...I will hug a child through hamster bereavement, I will make dinner for 6 out of food for four, I will be the excuse for anything anybody didn't do on time or didn't do correctly or didn't do...there are lots of things I am comfortable doing. But please...I really need a man to kill or at least disarm potential intruders or murderers, catch OR KILL stray rodents trying to become domesticated, or SQUASH spiders who decide to take up residence in MY residence. Mark is really good at all of those things. Well, honestly I don't know how good he is at killing an intruder, but he leads me to believe he is good at it, which is the same thing in my book. He can hit a mouse with a shoe, and stop it. It's practically the same thing.

I miss you, Mark! And really, it's not just your rodent removing abilities that are important to the family.

Waging war... and I want YOU :)

2009-08-24T19:57:00.003-04:00

So maybe a little success went to my head? I think that IS the course I frequently take. (Which is why I decided to develop more accountability in the first place.) Four pounds off, four pounds on...if I keep eating the way I have the past two days, I will just break even next week...my four pounds will be back!

I am NOT doing that. Let's talk strengths instead; I have read chapters 23 and 24 of Proverbs, and I exercised both days. Granted, last night I had to go walk just before midnight to be able to make that statement...but I did it!

In today's chapter it says, "for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers." Hey, God practically INSISTS I start a blog there. Whether the war waged is against my lazy self or the world or my favorite snack foods, I need guidance and many advisers, which is just what I have looked for in this blog. I don't want my lack of initiative or inertia or the will to complete a plan to be my personal LIMFAC, and I appreciate the help you guys are giving me. I'm kind of excited (and afraid) about the LIMFACs which we will slay together after this ten week period is over. Diet??... pshaw (I have never actually written that term before)... that's a simple one. I don't seem inspired to do it on my own, but still it is simple. Whatever will come next, however... hmmmm. Slightly terrifying, and fun! Like a roller coaster. I just hope I survive. (The same prayer I utter on the roller coaster. So far it has worked.)

I read this today, "the greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure," but I don't think that's true. The greatest barrier is the fear of trying. I am frequently afraid to try something, not because I might fail... or succeed, even... just because I am afraid to try. I don't know how and I am afraid to find out. Don't you feel that way sometimes? Or is that just me? But Roseanne Cash (possibly not the wisest of philosophers, but she did know something of the human condition) said, "the key to change is to let go of fear." I think that is somewhat a more accurate expression. It's just hard...fear is kind of easy. And comforting. Basking in our fears is sometimes like snuggling with our favorite blankie...thumb in mouth, eyes peacefully closed... "aren't they sweet when they are asleep?" It's funny how familiar a fear can be; so familiar that we don't even recognize it anymore. We certainly don't mind its presence.

Something unrelated, but funny, and typical! Katie and I woke up early today, to make a morning-rush-hour-traffic drive out to Virginia Beach to talk to a florist about the wedding. Traffic is so ridiculous around here! We arrived a few minutes too soon even with traffic issues and I was just slightly irritated that the store was still closed, so we walked across to Hardees (the beginning of some bad food decisions today!) then back... to find out our appointment is tomorrow morning. Hmmm. We salvaged the morning with some wedding shopping and both thought..."early again tomorrow morning??? Ugh." Oh well!

Day 8,week 2; LIMFAC superpowers would be nice...

2009-08-23T09:56:00.003-04:00

Last week's review...
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FOUR POUNDS GONE!!!! (big smiley face here) so eating was under control-
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Seven days of Bible verses-
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Seven days "blogged" away-
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Five days of exercise-

One wedding cake came, and went-

One daughter safely deposited at school-
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One decision made about the boys' school-
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And one wedding cake chosen for Katie-
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And it finally occurred to me that me that I nearly LIMFAC'd away the wedding cake opportunity, I was so sure I couldn't do it. Good grief. Isn't that what this is all about?? Sometimes I am a moron. Opportunities come wrapped in doubt, and become invisible to me. I need to practice using my LIMFAC x-ray vision. I need to put on my super-doubt-resisting- glasses. Thank you, Laurie, for trusting me (when I didn't trust myself) and for the cake opportunity. Now I know I can do it. And if any of my friends reading this ever want a rustic but sweet looking wedding cake, I can do it!!! With so much less stress. :) Actually, I'd be happy to.

Douglas Adams, an author with a defined sense of humor, wrote, "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" Well, that's me! How ridiculous. And William Shakespeare approached it this way, "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt". That quote spells out H-O-L-L-Y if you squint when you read it. I don't want to let my doubt keep me from trying. (I wonder what Adams would think of being placed in the same paragraph as Shakespeare? I think he would laugh.) "Action will remove the doubt that theory cannot solve." This from Peyhil Hsieh. I have no idea who this is. The quote is all over the place, but I couldn't find information on the author. Honestly, I spent like thirty seconds on Google, so if I really wanted to know I probably could.

But the point is, it seems like a valid idea. Self-imposed LIMFAC on the rise? Doubting you can do something? The best way to know, is to do it. It will work, or it won't. And you will know. Through action you will find a solution, not through wondering if you can do it. My daughter Sarah gives me inspiration here, as well. I think her most defined strength is that when she fails, and she frequently does, she just shakes it off and tries again. I fail and think "I knew I couldn't do it!!" What she has proven to me over the past few years is that if she says she will do something, she will. Eventually. If not the first time, then the second, or the third. She doesn't take apparent defeat as the answer. I hope she always stays like this.

Week 2 of 10, bring it on! (Gently, though... bring it on gently. :)

Day 7, 8/22 Sugar buzz-not as friendly as it sounds...

2009-08-22T20:48:00.005-04:00

It's finished!!! I feel so much better. Ahhhhh...Relaxed sighing. I didn't ruin my sister's wedding cake. I won't bore you with all of the ridiculous things which occurred Friday... but it was stressful, to say the least... and we ended up with a large trifle dessert made from all of the cakes that didn't make it into the REAL nuptial confection. The cake didn't look like a professionally done dessert, but it wasn't pretending to be one, either. It was sweet, and homey, and perfectly imperfect. I liked leaving the frosting rustic and rough... the roses and baby's breath were kind of adorable. And... it was super YUMMY!! But most importantly... done. :) I was terribly proud of the frosting, for which I had only just found the recipe Friday online, and hadn't tried before. Very similar to the recipe I use on my world famous (?) sugar cookies. The cake was soft, melt-in-your-mouth comfort, the frosting was sweet, delectable ease.

So I was particularly horrible to my family about it for the past week. Especially the past 24 hours. (Friday was NOT good) We are all glad this week is over, I think. Deciding about the boys' school, getting Sarah off to college, my sister's wedding, my (other) sister's move...It was a GOOD week. But I am glad it's over. And I'd rather not do it again for a while.

I am sorry to say...no exercise so far today. But it is only nine PM...it FEELS like midnight, but isn't. So (only because of this blog, I am ashamed to admit) I will go walking as soon as I finish up here. Really. And I have already done some Bible reading. With the exception of the generous amount of homemade frosting I licked off from my fingers, and from between my fingers, and from behind my fingers, and...need I continue? You get the idea...I frosted, decorated, and served a lot of cake!! With that notable exception I ate pretty well today, too. So week one ends on a good note...sanguine, but not sanguinary, thank goodness. (I was just looking those words up, and found the comparison understandable based on the definitions, but rather interesting anyway. Look them up yourself if you are as uncertain as I was :-)

One of my verses today was from Psalm 4... "In your anger do not sin." I am pretty sure I sinned in my cake anger on Friday. Cake rage, really. Like road rage, kind of. Less mobile, but tastier. And when I say pretty sure, I actually mean certain. So...hmmm...a day too late for my sugar-laden-daughter-and-sister-missing-physically-overburdened system. A breakdown was bound to occur. (It was seriously a lot of sugar.)

Well, I'm sure there will be something that angers me soon enough, and hopefully I will pause before I speak and recall that advice.

Off to exercise...tomorrow I will tell you what I have lost this week!

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

2009-08-21T09:34:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was hard. Emotionally, AND physically. I haven't sweated that much without exercising...maybe ever! My cute new haircut was...not cute...just gross and wet and disgusting. And being happy and sad at the same time takes its toll. I think I am not so good at that fine mingling about which Henry Ellis takes a moment to wax eloquent (above). My version is still more of a horrific train wreck than a fine mingling. But I am trying. I wish I had fewer opportunities to practice the letting go part?! But that's rather ridiculous, isn't it? In letting go we make room for other things, or the same things, but changed, and improved, and we give others the opportunity to have things to hold and to let go.

I forgot to bring my Bible yesterday, but one of you actually texted me Bible verses so I wouldn't give up on my goal...how sweet, and encouraging! I have the best group of friends. So...a moment with God accomplished, despite my poor planning.

I ended up with a migraine on the drive home, and just went right to bed. I don't get a lot of headaches, but have recently, so I guess I need to figure out what I am doing wrong there. I actually fell asleep ON my phone, not talking on it, but lying on top of it... so when Sarah texted me at 12:30 AM and my phone vibrated, it was a surprise, to say the least. But a sweet interruption, like a sprinkle of rain on a long hot day.

I didn't exercise this morning...my head still feels fuzzy, so I'm kind of afraid to! But I will get to my cake baking now, and frosting making, and house cleaning...and Bible reading. :) Maybe by this evening I will feel well enough to venture out into the exhausting world of the physically fit!

Please pray for my friend. She has to wait to hear results of a biopsy report, and waiting is SO hard. I thought I would post a few encouraging quotes here, or Bible verses, but won't you please, as well? I could use the encouragement myself, actually, so I'm sure the rest of us would benefit...and who can NOT smile when when reading some of the things said by, for example, Helen Keller?

"Keep your face to the sunshine, and you cannot see a shadow."I love that picture.

"While they were saying among themselves it cannot be done, it was done." That is one of my favorite quotes ever!

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content." Profound. And simple. She had the opportunity for so many LIMFACs yet, she didn't allow them to shatter her, or keep her small. She spread her wings and did anything she could, without thinking first of what she couldn't. She said, "I seldom think about my limitations and they never make me sad." But I believe it was more than that. She did not recognize the same limitations in herself that perhaps most of the world saw. And therefore, she lived life and was happy.

"I can see, and that is why I can be happy, in what you call the dark, but which to me is golden. I can see a God-made world, not a manmade world."

Thanks, Helen.

Day 5...Boo! Did I scare you?

2009-08-20T08:44:00.005-04:00

Well, that's all it takes to startle me anymore, apparently! :) As my friends have proven. And taking my kid off to college...THAT'S scary. Really. Whose idea was it to get rid of the children just as they turn into people?? It sucks. But that's the way it's set up...unless we go live in some remote wonderful village somewhere, which isn't looking much like it's going to happen...so today we will take Sarah to college. I know she will love it. And she will make great decisions, and do well. She always does. She is a smart kid with a level head, but funny, too. And her sarcastic wit...well, let's leave it at that. :-)

Just to let you know, second day in a row, I got up early (albeit later than yesterday) and jogged. Three miles! Woo-hoo! There were no heavenly kisses this morning. But it was nice, and strangely relaxing. The cicadas were confirming their presence with symphonic resonance. (Wow! Sometimes I impress myself....who knew I could find a rhyme for resonance? I guarantee that won't be in my head if I ever actually need it!) They kept me company with their pleasant encouragement. About two thirds of the way through I noticed how ridiculously slowly I was running...even for me. It felt like I was running through mud. Not that watery stuff they CALL mud in those college mud bowls...but actually thick nasty sludge. Do not judge me; my body isn't used to this every day abuse yet!!! My poor muscles! But it occurred to me my pathetic speed is a direct result of my self imposed LIMFACs. and isn't that what this is all about? Now, I know I will never be a fast runner, but I CAN be faster. Everyone can be faster. I guess that is the depressing part about being the absolute fastest...you can't be faster! I, however, have plenty of room for improvement. So I picked up those weighty LIMFACs and worked even harder...at least for the last bit. And those LIMFACs were just a tiny bit lighter by the time I got back home.

I will read my Bible on the way to Longwood...AND I will be SO good with my eating...you will be proud of me!

Day 4, 8/19... my sweet reward.

2009-08-19T22:28:00.008-04:00

I had an early meeting at school this morning, the perfect excuse to skip any morning exercise. Certainly the perfect excuse not to BEGIN a new morning routine. I set my alarm anyway, knowing it was a futile attempt; it was nearly 2 AM already (why or why or why???) I set it, knowing I could turn it off and still say to you, "I tried! Really!"

But guess what happened?? I GOT UP. You read correctly. I dragged my sorry butt out of my warm wonderful bed, away from my soft down pillow, the very very very soft kind that you sink way into...the kind that envelopes your head in fluffy perfect dreams (On top of a firm one which was an accidental purchase, right Jordan??) I had lots of nice reasons to stay in bed, but I half-heartedly rose and went out to join the world of awake-and-outside-Summer-people.

For being so wholly full of sarcasm, He is also a sweet and thoughtful God. Instead of laughing at me and my attitude this morning...well, He may have done that, too...I don't know...but instead of raining sarcastic verses down upon me, God rained mercy on me...in cool and wonderful breezes which felt like Heaven was kissing my skin. And the air which circled around me was filled with the sharp scent of freshly mown grass, and another clean, sweet smell, which I couldn't quite place. Maybe just the scent of all the summer mornings I have missed. Or maybe of God's smile, as opposed to His laughter.

Miss Yoda met me at her fence. She is a tiny adorable Pomeranian across the street. I pass her yard at the beginning and end of each run (or walk), and if she is out she joins me for the length of her yard. Her Pomeranian chatter met me this morning...she always wins, but never gloats about it. And the next time, we each will try just as hard. And she will still win. And I will still smile.

This is the verse I found today. Honestly, I didn't look for this. Ecclesiastes 3:11-13; "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all his toil- this is the gift of God."

I like that.

Day 3 is over. Whew. Work harder tomorrow.

2009-08-19T00:14:00.006-04:00

Oh my GOODNESS...between the cakes for the wedding and the cookies for Sarah to take to school...well...I didn't journal. I did pretty well overall, but darn it- my cookies ROCK. Anyway, I barely tasted them....in my opinion. "Barely" being a completely relative term here...

I DID exercise...late. Outside. I couldn't get to the gym. And I shortened it so I could be back to take a cake out of the oven. No excuses tomorrow!!! Although tomorrow is Sarah's last night home...

I DID read my Bible, and with much more eagerness tonight on my part... and less sarcasm from God. :) That's always good. (When the Creator-of-all-Things starts your together time off with sarcasm... that doesn't seem like a good sign.) Today it was straightforward. And hit home. James writes, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something, but don't get it." How foundational is that? Can't get much more to the point. Family, I apologize for being a pain when I don't get my way. I am not apologizing for my whole life, just recently. I think maybe there is a biblical statute of limitations or something on older episodes so let's just call us even there, huh?

One more day before Sarah leaves...oh, sad. But with the wedding on Saturday, I will get to see three of my sisters and my parents, and that will be nice. There might even be cake there, if I am lucky!

Let them eat cake!! (but please, let me stop!)

2009-08-18T14:21:00.008-04:00

I did great yesterday!!

Except the cake. But that's understandable...you'll understand in a minute. And I went to the gym late last night (only so I could write it here, not because of any deep conviction) ...2 miles yesterday on the treadmill, and weights, 3 miles on the road the day before. Yay!!!... a two day trend!!

Have I mentioned I'm making the cake for my sister's wedding? And that I was pretty stressed about it?? That I have never made cake for a hundred+ people, that my forte is cookies, not cake, that I have had no oven since Easter...have I mentioned any of this? That we take my daughter to college Thursday, are trying to get all of that ready, and the wedding is Saturday...any of this come up yet? If you know me, it has come up. Plenty. And I apologize for that.

Well, the cake itself is actually turning out pretty good, I think. And I should know... I have to slice off the wonderful rounded top part to make a nice flat cake, and I keep eating it. So, yes, I think I can safely assure it's tastiness. My kids have confirmed it as well. We are all totally caked out, I think...a good place to finally arrive. I have baked (and sliced...and tasted) 9 layers so far -including one that I broke, and the original two layer practice cake- I still have two layers to go. I HAD to practice, because Mark bought me a super-cool microwave/convection oven, which holds as much as my oven ever did, and I was having trouble getting it to work the way I wanted on my cookies. Saturday we will put it all together and frost it...keep your fingers crossed!

Day two, 8/17, reading my Bible...God is teasing me! :)

2009-08-17T12:43:00.001-04:00

So...I am not currently reading any particular place in the Bible. My pathetic attitude just now was not ,"Hooray! I will take a moment to read God's word and won't this be great!" It was more, "Fine, I will read something so I can mark this off today's list of things to do, and write in my blog that I did it..." My stomach was growling and I wanted cake. Which is sitting unguarded on the table. Wanting to be eaten. And guess what breakfast had been? A giant forkful of cake. (I told you I always confess) How do I even record that?? Idiot.

I decided to open my Bible to a random page and verse, just to see where it fell...you know, one of those stupid God tests; "are you even paying attention to me anyway, God?" Here is the verse upon which my eye fell, and YOU be the judge of whether He is paying attention;

"To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty..." 1 Corinthians 4:11

Just thought that was kind of funny. Not surprising, as God is the god of humor and sarcasm as well as all those "important" matters. He knows the best way to get my attention is to make me laugh. And I WAS hungry and thirsty.

Do any of you know how many Bible verses mention a physical hunger or thirst? I don't mean how many times we are told to hunger after God, or have a thirst for knowledge, I mean actual hungry-for-cake-and-pizza hunger. I can't find it through Google. (I am hopelessly computer inept, but doing my best. Getting back into my blog to write today was a challenge.) At any rate, I have read enough Bible to know that it isn't terribly often, and in this case, Paul is definitely specifically referring to a physical hunger and thirst. Out of the whole Bible... 31,103 verses, plus another 137 unnumbered verses in Psalms...my eye fell upon one of the few directly speaking about eating. So...I guess I'd better really be sure to accomplish this one goal, opening my Bible, every day, since He does seem to be part of this. In His own way.

Later that chapter, Paul, still speaking on the same subject, goes on to say "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." How appropriate. Isn't that basically what I am feeling right now about my life? Stop talking and take control. For months I have played the I-am-on-a-diet game. I love this game. It's kind of like Mother-May-I...Here is a typical move...I call it the Martyr Play..."I-am-on-a-diet-so-I-can't-have-that-steak-I-will-have-the-salad" Oh sad me. Suffering through salad. Well, maybe just a bite of beef....then a bit later comes the conclusion of the move..."I-am-on-a-diet-but-it's-your-birthday-so-let's-have-cake"...no steak, so yes cake. Typical gambit. Nobody wins (except the bakery) but I feel good that I am dieting and sacrificing. :-) Time to forget the chatter and just do what I need to do.

Hey I found something wonderfully sweet and yummy at BJ's...Brothers All Natural Fuji Apple Crisps. Each bag has 28 calories of totally scrumpscious dried apples. Really delish and no added anything. Truth to be told I really want to eat ten bags of them; moderation in anything has never been my strength. It's all or nothing. But I stopped at one bag. With my favorite china teacup full of steaming green chai tea. It was lovely. 28 calories, plus 30 for sugar cubes and honey (the lemon is free!) Well worth it for a dreamy few minutes.

Day One...8/16/09...A weight loss drop-out!

2009-08-16T21:54:00.001-04:00

George Eliot wrote, "It is never too late to be what you might have been." I love that. I think she was talking about LIMFACs, at least my version of them. Read on...

The decision to write a blog is made so easily by some, but is such a weighty thing to others (i.e. ME) Writing specifically for other people to read is so different than personal journalling, even if those "people" are actually just one "person", a husband or sister or parent, and no others...and writing about weight loss?? Yuck. Bad idea.

But here I am. I have a problem sticking to a plan. I am great at setting goals, but without accountability, I frequently decide following through is unnecessary. So I am hoping SOMEONE will read this, and hold me accountable. (read that: my sweet friends, my wonderful family, my specific accountability partner who is not currently holding me accountable, big-hearted sympathetic strangers, ANYONE) Once again, I have a plan. But this time I am making it public, and I promise to stick it out for the next ten weeks, if you will just promise to check in now and then and hold me to it.

Ten weeks from today, my oldest daughter, Katie, is getting married. I am going to be a basket case, I'm sure, so the added benefit of this blog is to keep me focused on something besides my sister moving away (YESTERDAY), my second daughter leaving for college (this THURSDAY), and my oldest child actually getting married (OCTOBER 25)!! Hopefully I will find help not only in sticking to my goals but also in not totally falling apart around everyone. My family will appreciate this. Tremendously. You have no idea.

I really didn't want to talk publicly about weight loss...how embarrassing! Then it occurred to me...I might be able to convince someone I can read French, or speak Spanish...I might trick someone into thinking I am more intelligent than I am...I could work feverishly to cause people to think I am a great housekeeper...or even lead someone to believe I am a much nicer person than I am...but I will never convince anyone I am not the size I am!! What is visible to all can be ignored, but not hidden. So why not? It's not like it's a secret. I am not terribly overweight, just comfortably plump. :-) Cookies are my (public) weakness.

And my goal of twenty pounds is not mere vanity...it's not about how I look or feel at the wedding (although I refuse to buy a new outfit in this size!)...it's about letting a personal goal defeat me, which is what I have done up until now. A friend of mine mentioned a military term, LIMFAC...limiting factors...This is about allowing LIMFACs...my own limiting factors...creep into my life and steal away my authority. And about reclaiming that power. It's about fighting back against my ridiculous self-imposed LIMFACs. (And thank you, friend, for showing me that, even though you didn't mean to.)

So here it is. My blog was my first LIMFAC...I couldn't do it. I didn't know how. I suppose you all know already, there are TWO steps...click, click...look, a baby blog was just born! How embarrassing. So YAY for me, step one was easy!! And step two...the plan...

Here are my goals...over the next ten weeks, I resolve to:
-Read my Bible daily. Not necessarily a chapter, or a book...if I just pry open that beloved and recently ignored cover and read one word, I will be satisfied with that! As long as I do it every day. I have fallen into such lazy habits!

-Exercise every day. If I hit 5 out of 7 days I will feel myself successful in this. And if I ever exercise morning AND night, I will give myself extra imaginary points. I love points. (I feel a compulsion to add here that today, day one, I jogged 3 miles! :-) That deserves a smiley face. I wish I could put that laughing one from yahoo chat here...I love him. He just keeps on laughing. No matter what.)

-Follow the Weight Watchers plan. It's simple and I already understand it, and I know it works. I am a notorious WW cheat. But I also am always sincere in confessing, so you will know if I cheat. Probably. Certainly you will, if I don't lose any weight!

-Journal daily to hold myself accountable to you. This could get terribly boring (and lengthy, as you can tell) and I hate boring...so please offer things of interest and spice...but not too spicy.
Victor Borge said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people," and I would sure love to feel like you are right here with me. So let's laugh!

If I lose twenty pounds in ten weeks, hooray! I am awesome! And if I don't, but I stick to my goals, hooray, I am STILL awesome!!!

Please please please help me with this. All you have to do is read...and now and then offer a smile, a laugh, or encouraging note...

And remember to keep your LIMFACs to yourself. I don't want them!