Staring blankly, barely breathing, wishing for a sweeter day...

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Day whatever-and-however-many-more... I am not too terribly concerned any more. I am tired and crabby. Not just irritable. Out and out crabby. Grrr. (Yes, that was me growling at you. No, I am not crabby with you, but don't get too close, even virtually speaking.) Several things are contributing to this, but I won't bother listing them here. Some of them you can guess and some of them no one can guess and some of them shouldn't be making me irritable anyway. It's not even a Jonah day... nothing bad has happened ...just feeling mean. Not like kick-your-cat-mean, which I don't think I ever feel... more like feel-sorry-for-yourself-and-snap-at-loved-ones-mean.

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I looked up "mean" in the thesauraus, just to make myself feel better. I know that's weird, but it does, some. Cantankerous. One of my favorites even on the best days, and I think generally doesn't describe me (although probably Mark would disagree), so maybe I can get some small secret enjoyment out of the fact that I actually embody today one of my favorite words. Also churlish, which isn't bad, and doesn't really get a lot of talk-time. And it reminds me of childish, which I am definitely being. Parsimonious, another sweet one. Kind of a different type of "mean" than I meant, but it still fits. I am feeling rather ungenerous. Rapacious... doesn't really fit my mood, but that's a nice word that I didn't recognize. I am not much in the plundering vein today. And perfidious was much too strong. Nasty, though. That's pretty perfect. Difficult, unpleasant, disagreeable, vexatious, poor, ordinary, obscure, petty ... no, maybe not vexatious. But the rest. Nice. In a mean way.

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See, I feel some better already. SOME. Well, it's back to work!! The house is gross and I am trying to un-gross it some. The kids' rooms are about half-way swapped around, and oh my goodness (or meanness) there's quite a bit left before Sarah will have a place to sleep when she is home tomorrow. I don't know what I'd do if Mark weren't picking her up tomorrow and I had to. Well, there's another thing trying to un-crabby my mood. I'll work on it.

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